Noel Ellis's Official Blog

I wield the pen to explore the vastness of the human mind

Month: August 2016


Kashmir is still not normal, it can never be normal, but I have hope. It transits between phases of abnormality of kinds. Call it political abnormality, call it abnormality of the security forces; call it abnormality of the people of Kashmir. Overall it is the residents of Kashmir who are suffering and shall continue to suffer; curfew on or curfew off is immaterial. I was trying to understand, why have Kashmiris have been driven to a point where they are retaliating in such a manner? What has the government done or for that matter not done to keep those people normal? What have the Kashmiris done to chalk out a road map for peace to prevail. Or is it a new fad because the echoes are coming from the Pakistani side that Balochistan wants azadi, so does Sindh and so does Gilgit-Baltistan. The only place which will be left with Pakistan would be Punjab. So fellow Indians living in Kashmir, give it a thought as to what you want to do with your future.

I take it that your struggle has been successful and you create another AZAD country, call it whatever name you want to, I suggest ASLI KASHMIR or KHALIS KASHMIR. Then what! Will India then be your enemy number one, friend, or just a neighbour; friendly neighbour I assume is out of question. I also presume that you shall look forward to establishing your defence forces or call upon someone to look after your defence. Will you allow the later? Well, then there shall be no difference in the present situation and the scenario I am imagining. India of course will stop all funding, as you would have your own budget. The UN and World Bank may contribute towards you as a new country, if you are recognized by the world. So, how will you generate revenue from your own people? People don’t have money and your new government won’t have money. People don’t pay any taxes now or for that matter anything for electricity. Will they pay then? I understand you have confidence in the Muslim world to support you for funds. But what will you eat, apples laced with saffron to survive I suppose. Remember you shall be land locked; air locked: and deprived of the sea. Jawahar tunnel sealed off on Jammu side, and the other limit will be Zojila, in fact Mamar on Kargil side.

I am sure India will withdraw all modes of transport and relocate its forces from the valley, or say hypothetically, India becomes magnanimous and leaves all vehicles. Will they run on Indus water? Or will you construct a pipeline from Iran through Baluchistan? How will you get used to living without electricity? I am sure you people would look for alternative means like solar, wind or hydro electric systems. Who will pay for it, India definitely won’t. Will you have the manpower and technology to build a single dam? Well, all these are my conjectures. Where will you get labour from for all such projects? The present kashmiri labour does not work for more than half a month and that too for not more than 2 hours a day, in which tending to his cattle, and other mundane activities are included. I am sure with the new country there will be a lot of motivation to work, and a person who hasn’t worked his whole life will start working like clockwork for a minimum 12-15 hours a day. I wish you luck.

Your agriculture sector is in a mess, your cattle rearing is in a mess, even sheep are imported from Australia, I know of it from my Gobal sheep farm days. Your tourism, call it religious or otherwise will become nil immediately. Amaranth yatra will stop, as it is appears to you as a forceful show of the Hindu brigade. Whom will you show the snow to? Who will sit in your Shikaras and Houseboats? Who will enjoy the “wazwan” and other delicacies of Kashmir? With no money in the bank, there would be arson and loot in the valley dear friends. You all may become petty thieves, lifting goats and sheep of the neighbours and then fighting all day over it. Please think about it.

Now, on the other hand if you forget your agitation; forget the animosity with India and its armed forces, which I am sure we will reciprocate wholeheartedly; you give up arms, hostility and hatred for once and give life another chance. Have you folks imagined what will you people get in return? You will have something better than paradise back. Agree once that you shall allow rest of India to do free trade with you. Allow industry to be set up by non Kashmiris. Please decide to come under one flag the tri-color. I feel half the issue starts with having your own flag, and the second half is having your own constitution. What is so unique in Kashmir and Kashmiri people that they can’t come under the ambit of the Indian constitution? Try it, you may find some sense in what I say. My skin may be darker than yours, but my blood is of the same colour friends. I may stay at a different place, but the air is common of what we breathe. My religion might be different from yours, but the path to reach our ultimate goal is the same of righteousness. What fear do you people have from me as a person, or a person who doesn’t belong to the valley? Can you welcome those people who were part and parcel of your valley once, whom you threw out because of some misunderstanding, if I can put it in the mildest manner? Welcome them back and flourish with them. I can assure you if you align with another country, you all may face the same consequences of being refugees in the other country you show allegiance to.

If I say that your show of angst is just to gain attention, gain sympathy of God knows whom, create chaos, and then you will quietly retreat to your burrows, for the festive/marriage season. Once your pay, perks and compensation is released, life becomes good. You people don’t appear to be genuinely interested in peace. The security forces will definitely fire if you pelt stones and other missiles at them. You will get hurt and maimed, even if the highest restrain is observed. What do you gain ultimately is nothing but frustration? Your children suffer, the youth suffer, and the young generation suffers. In fact who benefits if I ask it in another manner. You stay under curfew, someone from your family has to be shifted to the hospital for injuries, you lose a dear one, and even we the armed forces lose. We lose the sense of brotherhood with you, we hate to fire, we hate to kill, we hate to maim, but for how long and why?

Choice is yours friends, the ball will remain in your court. Remember friends, boundaries of Pakistan are due to change shortly, they can forget about Kashmir because it is and shall remain ours. The thought of annexing it by you or Pakistan should not arise. Live in peace, let live in peace, enjoy the bounties of nature, grow with India, and reap benefits of what we people of the plains do. Stop any support to Pakistan based or homegrown militancy/terrorism. Identify the culprits and inform the forces, see your life changing thereafter. Forces will embrace you with jadoo ki jhappis. You as a community shall prosper. Make your place a real “jannat” is my prayer. Will you? I wonder!!!!!!!!!!


© Noel Ellis


Every morning when I pick up the newspaper, I have to go through at least three pages of ads before reaching the actual first page. There could be half a page slit vertically, there could be a talking chip attached, there could be a sachet of shampoo/moisturizer glued, a scratch card attached, or a perfumed paper stuck to the main page. One actually starts to wonder, newspapers have kind of evolved. The news paper can sell anything and in fact they sell because their survival is on ads. In the good old days, the newspaper wala used to charge one rupee to insert 50 printed ads, remember those pink/yellow handouts. Now a day’s even the headlines can be printed in pink or green isn’t it amazing! Though the days of newspapers are numbered, I think by the time my generation fades away, paper newspapers may too rest in peace. Though frankly, till date I use them as “potty-times” or else the day is ruined.

What generally catches my eye is the sprawling three page ad given by various builders on the front pages. Many say save 3-15 lakhs, wow so much saving! It will boast of sprawling lawns, club houses, terrace views, pool, gym, a place of worship, proximity to a good school, malls, airport, railway station or a highway and what have you. What it does not say is the area we are going to stay in. They shall talk about the Italian marble flooring, personal lift, car parking, no down payments, even show you an aerial view of the whole complex. Well at the first glance you and I are very impressed, but as the pages turn over, you realize, is it worth it. The dimensions of the match box are given at the end. 1 BHK, as if it’s a castle fit for kings. Actually, it would be a kennel or a pig sty of sorts.

To save 15 lakhs I have to spend 2.5 crores in the first place, hello! Are you in your senses? If I have so much of money, then will I bother to save those 15 lakhs? Secondly, my office starts at 9 am, and by the time I get back home its 9 pm, you think I will have the time and energy to go sit in your pool, run on the terrace jogging track, or hit the gym like Sylvester Stallone. With the present set of relationships, I won’t even know my neighbours’ or flat mates, except being on a Whatsapp group. So, what use of the club house can I make do of? I am not a retired person who will sit all day and play bridge or gossip in the club. My parents stay in their native place, so expecting them to utilize this facility with strangers is out of question. So is the case for the place of worship. Yes I fear God, I have a golden Idol in my home, and I do honk my horn whenever I pass by any temple. Am I too old to start japoing a mala on buying this flat? Once in a while if I am at home during a festival, I may say Hi to God here. Though, I invariably plan my holidays during festival season. Am I buying the house or am I paying for the facilities or both?

I was also thinking that should I take this house for investment purposes. Well, as the ad claims, it would be an easy loan, so for a 2.5 crores house, my EMI for 20 years would work out to about 2.5 lakhs a month calculating Mota-Moti. What the hell! You will also charge me society charges, as the security & housekeeping etc have to top class. I may have to pay somewhere close to 25-30 thousand per month for all that. I will need a bai, who may charge up to 2000 per “kaam” so anywhere close to 8-10 thousand for her. Then she will have her nakhras and tashans, that madam I use only dubai wala hand wash, and Harrods wala bartan saaf karne ka powder. Hmmm! Then you may need a driver, I am sure there would be minimum 2 vehicles in the family. The list goes on and on.

If I can afford all that then my “Memsaab” should be one who loves shopping and kitty parties I suppose, Sundays horse racing and beauty parlor, Mondays theatre, dance and drama, Tuesdays for her charity work, Wednesdays she would go to a few places of worship, other than our complex, Thursdays rest, Fridays movie day and first day first show, Saturdays for the two dogs and their grooming. Shopping would be every day in fact, if not physically, then on line. People don’t look at you if Dominos and Pizza huts are the only delivery people who knock your doors. You need big basketer’s, gropers etc. I don’t even know the high end ones. Imagine all this from a 1 BHK.

Oh! I forgot the children, one son and daughter; they will be with the baby sitters, or in top boarding school’s hostel. They may or may not come home during holidays. I was just wondering to maintain such a lifestyle, how much should I be earning, and how much should I be saving. I do not wish to hurt any of those who can and have the means to enjoy this lifestyle, but I can’t imagine that much of free flowing cash or credit. Not in my weirdest of dreams. I just drifted to another world, which even if I dream, I cannot reach unless I find a pot of gold under the rainbow, or I win a lottery jack pot, I have yet to buy a ticket.

People talk about investments, people talk about alternate incomes, people talk about living well, and why not. I talk about, what is our level of satisfaction? When can we say ok now I have enough? When shall we be contented? Why are we saving for our future generations? If I have lived well, can’t they live well on their own? I know, there is struggle in every one’s life, and one has to put in efforts, rich or poor. Let us live it and enjoy every bit of it. I would love to chase a rainbow, rather than find that pot of gold, as I won’t know what to do with it. I would rather benefit from and enjoy nature, rather than purchase a hillside and then ruin it, for my worldly pleasures.

Well folks, there is no end to all this, enjoy your today, as yesterday has gone, and don’t worry for tomorrow and it is yet to unfold. Don’t be penny wise & pound foolish that to save 15 you spend 2.5. Live happy, sleep well, count your blessings, give something back to society and nature, as these are the biggest gifts given to you to enjoy. I have decided to be at peace with whatever has been bestowed on me, will you all try to give it a thought, I wonder!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


© Noel Ellis


I just happened to Google for a submarine called Scorpène and it showed 18, 00,000 pages about it. I didn’t know what to do. Will I be able to browse through so many pages in my lifetime? Today, in the twitter age, who has the time or interest to read those 22,000 pages? Fauji’s, No way! Yes had you given it to my father, he would have found minimum one spelling and one grammatical mistake on every page. After all he was an English teacher. Puns aside, Frenchmen writing documents in English would be equivalent to a Chinese writing Hindi. Well, seriousness of the matter apart, why are panic buttons suddenly switched on, if such a document has gone missing? I agree it’s a serious matter. With navy already tarnished with the naval war room leaks case, can such a thing happen? I have my fingers crossed.

How many such submarines were India going to acquire and how many are in the pipeline? Well it is a closely guarded secret from us Indians. Under what circumstances was India procuring these? Was it to replace the aging fleet? No, no, our fleet will last another 100 years. Was it to enhance our submarine capability? Do you guys think so? Was it to explore into the deep seas? Why should I tell you? Against whom shall we use these subs? Against Maldives or against Sri Lanka or the very friendly Pakistan or for that matter not very friendly China? Your guess is as good as mine. Will they be nuclear powered or diesel powered, or a mix of both? How much would be the endurance? Well, Wikipedia says nothing about them. What will be the missile platforms, or the torpedo capability on such platforms? Well, India does not have any such systems, isn’t it? How many countries have acquired such subs already? That is a closely guarded secret, not available on the internet I suppose. I must be joking.

Indian Navy, I am sure would have conducted thorough French classes for all the personnel being deployed on such subs. The crews must be chattering away in French, just to confuse the enemy. I can assure you, for a jat or a tambi, deciphering the buttons on his console would be like an expedition to Mount Everest. Well, I did my French interpreters course in NDA, but landed up in a unit with Russian equipment. I learnt broken Russian the Hindi way.

I remember how we were taught to memorize the panel board of a BMP. It was like “sab se phale dahine se pahla switch on karo”. Next, Hawa ki botal kholo. What the heck! That was the first time I heard something like that, had it been daru ki botal kholo would have been music to the ears. Bayen se teesra aur dayen se satwan button on karo. The bloody thing had 17 identical looking switches in one row. What were their functions did not matter, but procedure was procedure. In fact I had a fight with my ustad that why does he say switch on karo actually its switch off karo. For me it was like an electricity switch where I pushed it down to “on” and vice versa to “off” a bulb, but here it was ulta, off matlab on. Wah you Russians! Then it used to be dahine se doosra push button dabao. I used to keep pressing it and nothing used to happen till my ustad told me to lift the damn lid covering it and then press. One thing I enjoyed was the sounds which used to emanate on pressing these switches, something like a choooooooon, and a heavier sounding chooooooon on pressing the push button. Then we had to push the air button and the battery button together for a quick start. I used to think why these guys can’t just have key, like you start a jeep. I am sure by now our Indian submarine crew would have kept nick names for everything French and every button they would come across like we did to operate this vehicle. Those adjectives I shall keep for later. BMP itself was called “BIN MATLAB KA PANGA”.

Well, let Pakistan know each and every detail of the leaked pages and let them come up with something bigger & better as a counter. I am sure by now they would have got hold of the document and translated it into Urdu for better assimilation. French to English is understandable, but French to Urdu, well quite intriguing I must say, we are nowhere close to match the Chinese capabilities and numbers in subs, so why are we so perturbed that Arnab, Barkha and Rajdeep can run full day episodes on the same and make Gen Bakshi cry for every page they discuss and create breaking news, “Indian submarine sunk in the dry docks”. “The Scorpion has been stung”. “Periscopes down for all Indian Subs”, etc.

I just hope no damage has been done by these so called leaks. India is not in a position to modify a screw in them, even if it proved that there has been a leak. So far as the submarine tactics and number of submarines to be inducted are concerned, nothing much can change. Scrapping this deal is out of question, and I hope no one is made a scapegoat from the Navy just for the heck of it. Let us keep building our capabilities slowly and steadily. Let our naval strength speak for itself to our enemies. Till then, BICHOO-ONE is signing off. By the way ladies and gentlemen, Scorpène is a fish and not what you thought; even I didn’t know till I Googled it.

Au revoir mes amis, jusqu’à ce que nous nous revoyions. This is what Pakistan must be wondering, are these MCs and BCs in French. Keep wondering!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


© Noel Ellis


While driving to office, I was listening to a song called “DHISHOOM” on FM. I didn’t pick up rest of the lyrics but what caught my ears was the dhishoom-dhishoom part and I loved it. So today, I have added some things where you too may feel like doing-toh dhishoom. So add on to this list & sing along:-

Neend time par na meri khule- Toh Dhishoom (TD)
Dhobi kapre na laye subha – TD
Pani time par na garm hove- TD
Joota polish karna bhool gaya- TD
Breakfast mein sirf oats mile- TD
News channel par bakwas aye- TD
Wrong side koi parking kare- TD
Office ke liye late hue- TD
Red light ko jo banda tore- TD
Bewajaha jo horn mare- TD
Kinner zabardasti paise mange- TD
Office ane par na chai mile- TD
Boss ka mood kharab hove- TD
Bina baat ke daant pare- TD
Office mein koi jhoot bole- TD
Promotion par party na de- TD
Hera feri se kaam kare- TD
Lunch time par meeting rakhe- TD
Sabjzi theek na bani hove- TD
Cigarette ki price bare jaye- TD
Apke jokes par na koi hanse- TD
Whatsapp se fursat nahi- TD
Mobile ki battery dis hoye- TD
Barish mein yadi bheeg gaye- TD
Bachha class mein number kam laye- TD
Teacher bachhe ko dant mare- TD
Kutta lawn mein potty kare- TD
Bai yadi chutti le le- TD
Dhoodh mein pani mile- TD
Tamatar pilpila ho jaye agar- TD
Fridge theek se na chale agar- TD
Dal mein yadi fungus lage- TD
Courier time se na aye yadi- TD
Dukandaar kam samaan tole- TD
Chashme pe scratch a jaye- TD
Gutka ka packet fenke- TD
Dhakka mukki yadi koi kare – TD
Police wala challan kate- TD
Police wala bakshish mange- TD
Agar koi gali de de- TD
Gandagi failaye koi- TD
Sena ke khilaf bole- TD
Medal na laye koi- TD
Mantri ji kaam na karen- TD
Babu rules mein uljhaye- TD
Kashmir kabu mein na aye- TD
Pakistan atanki bheje- TD
Punjab mein drugs faile- TD
MP mein baar aye- TD
Bihar mein ab daru band- TD
Chandarbabu badminton khele- TD
Gai ko na mata bole- TD
Tarbooz agar feeka nikle- TD
Salon saal court mein case chale- TD
Parliament kaam na kare- TD
PM sahib videsh jayen- TD
Short cut yadi mare koi- TD
CM sahib dharana pe baithe- TD
China hamari baat na sune- TD
Salman khan ka par case chal jaye- TD
Vada pav mein chatni na ho- TD
Lal salaam agar chaatr karen- TD
Sab traffic rules na follow karen- TD
Mahngai ki maara maari- TD
EMI bharne mein late hue- TD
Tax ki chori kare- TD
Bank ki strike hoye- TD
ATM yadi band mile- TD
Railway station agar gande dikhen- TD
Milavati davai koi beche- TD
Religious intolerance hoye- toh dhishoom
Dahi handi ki height kam kar di- TD
Shobha de yadi tweet kare- TD
Sarkaar OROP na lagoo kare- TD
Pay commission mein peanuts mile- TD
Bewajah Sainik shaheed hoye- TD

And the list is endless. Today, we want everything working like clockwork, everybody behaving as a responsible citizen, every facility working and all facilitators available for instant redressal of issues. We are not ready to accept delays. But, we don’t want shoulder any responsibility ourselves. We want someone else to start first, someone else to clean our mess, someone else to do all the dirty work. Are we ready to contribute our bit? I remember, a bus driver used to park his scooter in my parking, as the shift bus used to depart from in front of my house. One day I realized that there were more than 20 gutka packets littering my parking area. I confronted him, and told him yaar look, we are into swach bharat, and there is a dust bin right across the road. Why can’t you pick up all these and dunk them there. He said yes sir, and from the next day moved to my neighbor’s parking. Neither did he stop his gutka eating habit, nor throwing the gutka pouches. So far so for us Indians, well I picked up the broom and cleaned my parking lot. A new driver came, and now Khaini pouches appeared in my parking. I was about to go Dhishoom-Dhishoom, but good sense prevailed. When will we Indians be true citizens, I wonder!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


© Noel Ellis



Dear Mr Bhagat, How much I dislike reading your articles after your views on Veterans and OROP, but, out of curiosity, I happened to read one in the Sunday TOI, where you are asking all of us to pay Rs 80/- for India to get Olympic medals. Are you a sportsperson yourself? Which sport do you excel in? Or are we to understand that you excel in “writing games” which you keep doing from time to time? I am sure you are rich and not like a middle class sportsperson, who represents India at the Olympics. Why haven’t you sponsored one athlete if not more till now? If you claim that we Indians are couch potatoes and just watch games only on TV, then tell us how many Olympics have you gone and witnessed yourself? It is easier said than done my dear sir, so take a chill pill and read on.

You have indirectly hinted at Shobha De’s tweet, when you talk about the social media bashing, isn’t it? And what have you done! You have lashed out on the common man and the government for lack of monetary support, mismanagement of funds, lack of infrastructure and talent management etc. So what is the difference between you and the others who are not happy by India’s performance at the Olympics? When the root causes are known to you, and remedies you have understood, then why not start off straight away. What says you?

Have you ever had a heart to heart talk with any Olympian ever? Have you cared to find out first hand where the actual problem lies? I have my dear Sir. Have you ever challenged the government for its inefficiency towards sports? Why haven’t you got after the bureaucratic red tape with your pen? Well, Bhagat saab, kitaabi baten and lambe lekh to main bhi likh sakta hun. But hawa mein batein mujh se nahi hoti, jis mein aap mahir hain.

Let me ask you Chetan saab, will you dedicate your children for sports for the sake of the country. I am sure they would be very young and by 2024 they should be ready for some sports discipline you ask them to pursue. Don’t take it personally but in the spirit of what I say.  You please don’t take any money from the government. Just ensure your children get all the facilities, equipment and infrastructure, including best coaches, best international exposure, best of everything needed to become a world class athlete. I shall wait to see the results. In case it is not possible, then may I request you to adopt just two athletes you want to pick up for the next games? Can you?

You talk about mediocrity. Give me names of two athletes besides Abhinav Bindra who are millionaires, and can support their sport discipline on their own. Most of the athletes come from rural backgrounds, and are from middle class or in fact poor families, who cannot imagine running with spikes on a synthetic turf as they are used to running barefoot. Imagine the glee of the archest who when sees the modern archery equipment, gets starry eyed, as the only thing he/she used till date was a primitive bow and arrow, that too to fill their tummy. The reality is far from your imagination sir, the problem lies somewhere else which is known but who will bell the cat, how and when? You are a celebrity of sorts, please get hold of the PM now and start a “bharat ka sports swach” campaign. Swach from all malice you mention.

Well, jogging tracks you mention are for the local municipalities to make and operate, but can we keep our parks clean and maintained. I have my doubts. If PM has to jump in from building toilets to jogging tracks then what is the use of the white elephant called the sports ministry at both the center and state levels. How are they earning their pay? If I may put it differently, how & why have they frittered away tax payer’s money without producing much result on ground? No accountability is a key word too. Shameful isn’t it Sir.

The condition of retired Olympians is pathetic, is a fact. They live and die in anonymity. Will people in their neighborhood dare to send their child for any sport? The issue today is of ROZY and ROTI, the basic needs, the support to their families. You have been a judge on many a talent show. Parents sell off everything for a child to become a singer or a dancer, but may think 2000 times to turn them into a sportsperson. Well Bhagat sahib, issue is of the mindset, issue is about mentality, issue is about the child’s future, issue is about sustenance, issue is about survivability, issue is about “do waqt ki roti”, and a decent naukri janaab.

Sindhu has been promised generous amounts of money from many states, and has been offered jobs by many organizations too, very well! Why this can’t be done before the girl won her medal. Why is it that only a medal winner will get all the goodies? Why not to the people who could not go beyond the heats stage? Did they put in less effort? Every participant who missed the medal by a whisker or a mile deserves the same praise. Encouragement before the event makes hell of a difference to the morale. So let us make a difference to their lives. Every one wants to be Sindhu/Saina or Sakshi in every game. Let us boost them to go swifter, higher and stronger.

You talk about bureaucrats and ministers pays coming from these funds, to which I don’t agree. They are already on the central government payroll. I may agree that they must be making additional amounts by enjoying all perks, privileges and monetary cuts which is meant for the athletes. But can we bypass their channel, can we somehow circumvent or ensure that no red tape will be allowed to be a hindrance, except the one at the finish line of a sprint, which our athletes should cut.  If “babudom” and “minister sahib” are the culprits can you suggest a way to keep them away from the system? Let our teams practice in Japan for the Tokyo Olympics from tomorrow. Let them get acclimatized well. Let them play the toughest matches internationally. Let babus and ministers’ just stay off.

By the way Bhagat saab, medals do come only if you have the fighting spirit in you. Medals do come if you are patriotic and play for the national flag which will be hoisted at the podium. Please get your fundas correct. Twitter and face book’s positive support also helps. Players avoid social media completely to concentrate on the job at hand. Sindhu was off the mobile for the last three months and so will be the case with other players, then Shobha De, or no De, it doesn’t make a difference!

There are enough funds available; one needs to effectively and efficiently utilize them. Can we grow up from individual states and their representation when it comes to India? Say for example can the complete Indian hockey team be represented by Manipuri’s or Punjabi’s or Chattisgarhi’s, if they are the best. After all they all are Indians. Can we provide basic facilities of toilets for our girls in their sports hostels? Can we let the air conditioning run in stadiums in Delhi where the wrestlers practice? For God’s sake let us get our act straight, and still in case there is a need, I surely will pitch in and I am sure every Indian can spend way beyond Rs 80/- for getting our sports persons the best of best. Right Mr Bhagat! Are you listening Sir? I wonder!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


© Noel Ellis


I was just thinking if the Olympics were to be held in India, what the scenario would be like. Suresh Kalmadi would apply straightaway for becoming the honorable minister for Olympic affairs in the first place. The parliament would mull over it and pass a unanimous decision that with his experience in the Asian games there is no other better person for the job. The first act which will be passed is that there will be equal representation of all states and union territories, with a Rolls Royce each to every minister for conduct of their Olympic duties. The present government vehicle will be handed over to their “chamchas” to run day to day affairs (which is generally the case), including representing him as proxy in the parliament.

The food minister would be the first one to leave on world tour, to sample all kinds of food worldwide. He would be shocked to see beef being served in every second nation. He shall then turn back and ask the PM to hold a special session of the parliament to ban beef in the world. The countries shall face Olympic bans who have served any kind of beef to their athletes since this controversy came to fore in India. The ministry of medical sciences will come into action, as their doctors, in place of the dope tests will conduct beef tests. All foreign athletes who show beef positive results will be told to do “gau-pooja” for one year and the only liquid diet they can have is “gau-mootr”. Unless a certificate of being beef-free is given by President of the participating country, the athlete will be banned for life in India.

The ministry of medicine will go on an appointing spree of doctors, and the Rozgar ministry will butt in, that the only people who could be employed for such jobs will be doctors who are RMPs (REGISTERED MEDICAL PRACTITIONERS). Doctors from the reservation quota will be given first priority. Then, there will be an act of parliament stating that a doctor is a doctor, so an anesthetist or a cardiologist may be employed for physiotherapy. In fact some will suggest that our anesthetist should spread so much chloroform in every stadium that all foreign athletes & guests remain in a state of stupor throughout the games.

The ministry of unemployment will also place their personnel in all stadiums to flick mobiles and other valuables during half time or breaks. They might have to open a ministry of “lost and found” on the lines of Palika Bazzar in Delhi, or Chor Bazzar in Bombay. This ministry will ensure that no one can raise a finger that only Chinese products have flooded the market. There would be variety of stuff from all over the world. After all India is opening up its economy. No GST shall be levied on such stuff.

The minister of railways will be pleased to announce about 20 to 30 new trains going to every state of the country. No no, not for the contingents, but to gather crowd from everywhere to cheer for team India. Cheering parties have a great role to play in events, haven’t you seen the cheer leaders in IPL. Imagine the effect of a cheer leader in her ‘Assi kali ko ghaghra” . Without them Olympics would look lack luster. The tickets to trains will be issued on production of adhar card. All services on trains including wifi, would be free on showing bucket loads of ghee, laddos and pinnis for our athletes. Only satvik food will be served, because of the beef controversy. All items shall be cooked in Baba ji’s masalas for purity ki surety.

The defence ministry will be in a tizzy, not because of the investiture ceremonies but for the defence of our country. Well, India will be invaded by so many countries, from strength ranging from a lone soldier, to a section strength, battalion strength, to a division strength by some countries like China. The Army would be busy setting up bugs and signal monitoring centers to scrutinize conversations, as many of the games venues will be located near military cantonments. The biggest monitoring cell would be on the Sindhi and Baluchi contingent. Hope they will be new countries participating in the next Olympics. To create deception, a south Indian would be put through a baluchi interpreters course, and a bihari on a kashmiri course. I am sure at the end of the day; they would be able to tell that the only mysterious conversation transpiring amongst participants is about the great Indian hospitality. Which would be interpreted as hospital, and all intelligence agencies would be raiding hospitals to find out which country mixed Jamal Ghota in the Indian contingents malai kofta, dal fry and palak paneer.

The ministry of clean Ganga will get into action because they won’t tolerate any water pollution which the athletes of various countries may do. The UN will be co-opted along with organizations such as greenpeace to monitor effluents coming out of the games township. I know in India people are capable of releasing water from swimming pools when the samples of water are being taken just to show how well we recycle our waste water. Michaela Phelps might get a surprise when he may come face to face with a fish, if not a crocodile in the swimming pool. It is possible that at the last moment the Municipal tankers would bring in raw water from the nearby river to fill in the pool due to break down of water services. The pool keeper knows that the filtration plant will clean this water in due time better than Bisleri.

Ministry of save water will also come into action, as they will ensure no water from any pool goes waste. Such clean water is considered safest for drinking purposes in India. We Indians are very fond of releasing our water into pools and then drink the same. “Patanjali waters” will take the contract of supplying pure drinking water in polythene bags collected at the venue sites. This water will be cleansed and blessed by all devis and devtas, so that in case anything goes wrong after drinking it one knows whom to blame. The chaiwala outside the venue gate might get beaten up for making chemical tea, as the prominent smell of chlorine might emanate from the tea. PM Sahib, are you listening! The medical contingent will fill up there saline bottles straight from the pool as the water will become quite saline by the end of the games.

There would be one Chief Minister totally unhappy about all this. He will straight away go on dharna, without realizing that there are more than four years to go for the next Olympics and his government may not last that long. He would blame everyone, especially the PM for being partial, biased, and all sorts of allegations. When the PM will ask him what he is objecting to, he will say that Olympics shall only be held in Talkatora stadium and nowhere else. He wants to work for Indian Olympics, and the PM doesn’t let him work, so no Olympics anywhere else. One may find all roads to the parliament blocked one fine day as everyone would be allowed to play Frisbee and rings on all lawns in and around south block and raj path, as this was rejected by the Lt Governor to become a State sport in the last session.

The Kapra mantri will be very worried, only for one reason, as she would have to procure a lot of kapra for the scantily clad ladies of beach volleyball teams. To find the type of kapra she might visit the Siachen glacier and see how the soldiers play volleyball there. I am sure all participants will be made to wear thick woolen jackets, just to increase the degree of difficulty, and show solidarity for our troops who are deployed at the coldest and highest battlefield. The ministry of defence will be very perturbed, as the jackets meant for the Glacier will be diverted to the games for the national cause.

Well ladies and gentlemen, let me wish the Indian Olympic team God Speed and more medals however, my aim was to let my imagination fly, so kindly bear with me and please feel free to add more funny situations which can happen in only in India. I need to end my bak-bak here. Please take this article in the right spirit, as a light hearted piece, with no offence to anyone in particular.

India should host an Olympics during my lifetime and win all the medals possible is my wish, but will it happen, I wonder!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


© Noel Ellis


I heard a mention made by our PM about the complimentary messages he received from all the parts of Pakistan (occupied/unoccupied/forcefully occupied) this Independence Day. What does this convey? There is definitely going to be a change of stance by India. This our RM had also hinted upon, where he said it is time to give back Pakistan in the same coin. What did he mean? I am trying to add these two things to come to a conclusion. As the saying goes “Der aye Durust aye”, so let us put everything Durust. If Pakistan takes the hint, very good, if not, then it should be prepared, I won’t tell you for what.

Since partition, we have been kind of requesting & pleading to Pakistan that friend, now that we are two nation states let us live in peace. Our good words, kind attitude, magnanimity etc didn’t melt your heart. If I remember Gen Musharraf’s arrogant reply to one of the journalist, that don’t bully us as we are capable to of bullying you too and words to that effect. Well now time has come to see that how you react to our bullying. Bully we shall, and bully you directly, indirectly and anyways which we can. You need to taste the same pain and anguish that you have been inflicting on us since the last 70 years. It is heartening to hear some of the changed voices in your country who understand logic and want Pakistan to prosper, but military egos shall kill you individually and as a country sooner if not later. You have ruined our paradise on earth, for which we may again obliterate a portion of your map if you don’t behave and soon.

The Paki military establishment has its own agenda, and there are talks now to make Gen Raheel Sharif a Field Marshal for how he has acted against terrorism especially in Baluchistan and adjoining areas (Operation Zarb-e-Azb). Well, I fail to understand this logic. Is it to extend his tenure, or is it a hint to India that something deep inside is brewing and we are not in the knowhow of. Well India, get your intelligence in place, as this could also mean another misadventure by this notorious country. I also have a gut feeling that there is a group of people who think that like Nawaz Sharif has gone down into history by exploding the nuclear bomb; let him again go down in history by exploding ,one against India. I have been thinking about it as it could mean disaster for both, more so for Pakistan. Is our country prepared to take a shock, if such a scenario happens? Today the NDRF teams are used for all natural disasters, but are they being trained and equipped to handle a nuclear disaster as well, is what I want to leave as food for thought.

In case a desperate situation happens in Pakistan and their China card doesn’t work. India, as time will tell, liberates Baluchistan from the clutches of Pakistan, can there be a scenario that Pakistan does a nuclear strike on India. In case the people of POK who are fed up with Pak decide to merge with India, along with people of Gilgit-Baltistan, will or can Pakistan nuke India. Well all these are hypothetical questions, and India needs to be prepared for it, in case it has decided to venture into Baluchistan and POK.

One thing is clear in my mind that friend Pakistan, you people are incorrigible, even after so many wars which you started and were defeat every time. None have taught you any lessons. Your antics of calling wolf in the UN and elsewhere have not yielded fruit till date. Your lobbying with USA, who was the creator of Taliban on your request has now back tracked and given a tight rap on your knuckles to behave yourselves or else. Your China card is not very strong. Your grants from the US have been curtailed drastically and may be completely stopped. Many of your friends of the Middle East may backtrack and stop your illegal funding, then where will you go. On top of it Baluchistan is 44% of your country’s land area and richest in mineral resources including gas, plus has a port. If that gets annexed from you, I see you will have to come down on your knees. Iran is also fed up with you; Afghanistan knows and has suffered very badly at your hands. What do you expect then? Kindness, sympathy, MFN status, benevolence, my foot! You have to learn to live and let live in peace.

Have you ever seen Airstrikes being used against own people in India? Then why bomb your own people (If you call the baluchi’s your own people). Your military has butchered people in the hundreds as they are protesting against misgovernance and mismanagement of the affairs in Baluchistan? Well, if you think your armed forces can sort out the issue, nothing like it, as we in India are of a strong belief the military is only a means and not the end. We are working on a political solution to Kashmir and we shall for the sake of our people. You stop bothering about it. But please understand that there is fire in your backyard. The sparks have now turned into flames and instead of dousing the fire you are adding fuel to it. Remember Pakistan; get involved in as much which you can handle, bite as much as you can chew. Do not try and spread the fire of hatred to our side by using the so called non state actors as you claim. They shall be eliminated one by one, slowly and steadily for sure. We have already paid a heavy price for it, and we have reached our limits of tolerance. Be rest assured you shall have to pay back with interest and very soon if you don’t understand the writing on the wall.

India has now the right to use any methods to teach you a lesson. I think everything is fair in love and war. Once you get split, half issues between us will get resolved. Your economy, some claim is growing by 20%, and so is your agricultural produce, my second foot! Well, you need to clear your own cobwebs, and mirrors dear Pakistan, and please get out of this wrong notion that you can get Kashmir. India has decided to build its future on a strong economy, flourishing trade, and excellent foreign relations; you have a chance to grab this opportunity to follow suit. Try and match our pace, and try and match our outlook towards life. Otherwise rot in your flawed policies and stink in your own muck you are creating. We have enough resources and world support to deal with irritants like you; in fact you now have pushed us to a state where we shall be forced to give a tight slap on your face soon, if you don’t behave. So be prepared! You have asked for it.

Well, Pakistan you can wear any “TAVIZ”, to safeguard your self-destructing country (if such superstitions work). But don’t try your dirty “toona-totkaas”, and “Jhaar-foonk” on us. We are a nation of 125 billion and we shall move at a pace we decide to move at. You want to come along, you are welcome, but can you shed your false egos and hopes to liberate Kashmir and bleed us for very long, I wonder!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


© Noel Ellis



Friends, I got emotional in my article on the 7th pay commission. The agony and pain of the soldier, widow or veteran notwithstanding, my thoughts now drift towards the price we the armed forces had to pay to keep our country’s integrity intact in these 70 years and how much more shall we have to pay so that the fruits of independence are enjoyed by every Indian for times to come.

The politicians can claim that they pass legislations, bureaucrats can claim that they formulate rules, police can claim that they maintain law and order, but when it comes to the real issues of maintaining the sovereignty of my India, does anyone have a doubt that who maintains it? It is courtesy the land, sea and air warriors that the enemy’s of this nation cannot dare any misadventure. Well these facts need not be rubbed in beyond a point. Today, I want to discuss the sacrifice of a widow of the fallen one and the better halves of the serving soldiers and Veterans.

I searched Google, I even searched the war widow’s association site but I could find any site which could give out the total number of war widows (VEER NARIs) in our country. I found it really shameful, that as a nation we don’t have a record of the families of those people who laid down their lives for this great nation of ours. Well, what we can expect then from the nation, except words from politicians that “hume khed hai un ki shahadat par” and words to that effect. Like they ditch their constituencies, they also ditch such veer naris, who for no fault of theirs lost their beloved one in the service of the nation. Can someone justify this to me, why can’t the central government look after all of them? Why is it left as a state subject? Why do we treat these ladies as liabilities? Why?

The centre has got a straight reply that Zila Sainik boards etc form part of the state government, they should be having the records, agreed, but aren’t we central government employees? Don’t our veer nari’s deserve the same attention, empathy and sympathy from the government of the people we serve? Is the national flag which we live and die for just meant to be kept neatly folded in front of the photo of the martyr? We fight wars under the slogan of Jai Hind and Bharat Mata Ki Jai. I have not found politicians making an agenda to at least make it a point once a while to go and see how the lady has lived, brought up her children, faced the wrath of the establishment and the humiliation over the years. Does she need anything? Don’t we do it for our blood relatives? Hasn’t blood of this soldier fallen for the nation to deserve that kind of attention?

I know with personal experience during the Kargil conflict, staff officers used to detail people from units to escort the body of the martyr. Our ladies used to go to console the bereaved families. They also made frequent visits to nearby villages because we all know that tomorrow someone amongst us may have to take her place. But it used to be shocking that politicians did not even send a wreath at the pyre, the civil administration was nowhere to be seen at most places. For them it was another statistic. Sad as it used to be, shamelessly it continued for body after body we received.

I know, there are numerous schemes that may be existing to provide assistance and help to these ladies. But I don’t see any scheme which says that she will not have to go through the red tape and bureaucracy to get the benefit of such schemes. Can there be a procedure where the state and the centre coordinate that this is what we can do and this is how we will do for this lady who is shattered completely. Can one appoint a single coordinating agency to get all documents and papers completed for her? It is a shame if such Nari’s have to go begging from pillar to post even for basic things like pension. It is a shame for all of us to tolerate people who ask for bribes and delay the process. They should be sent to jail for life I feel.

 Well today, with profound respects to the Veer Nari’s, as they gave away their husbands for this country, there is another silent category of ladies who are married to the men of the armed forces. I think all of them deserve a big salute too. Much has been written about their glamorous lives, but people do not know about their sacrifices. They actually are the living legends, and I want to also dedicate this article to all those ladies who are and were ever married to a man from the armed forces. They are the pillars of strength of this man at the borders. The soldier bashes on regardless, thanks to the better halves, who sort out issues at home when he/she is fighting for India.

They are the ones who actually live a life on tender hooks. The excited wait for the postman who brings those love letters home; the shattering of dreams again by the postman bringing a telegram that your husband is “missing presumably dead”, is indescribable. The joy of getting letters from your husband can only understood by someone who has gone through it, in an era of no mobiles and rare STD calls. Getting sixteen letters together, reason why so many together used to be bad weather, mountain passes getting closed and the day the aircraft could land to pick letters up. In fact the Postal service used to make bundles of my letters in their own brown paper packets, as the envelopes sent from high altitude areas used to become crisp and wither. The postman would have fallen in love with me in case he/she had read them. I remember asking the adjutant one day on the telephone from my post that do I have a letter, he said yes sir, but will be delivered to you after the landslide is cleared. My CO sitting besides said ask him if he is very desperate so I will read it out, I said yes and he did so. I was on top of the world, the officers kept laughing, I didn’t care, and at least I had a word from my beloved whom I had married just 6 months ago. Those feelings are not express able on paper.

The way these ladies become house hold management gurus in a short period of time is amazing. From bai, to bhaiya , to newspaperwala, to dhobi, to her job as a teacher, to attend family welfare centers, persue her own higher education, handling and managing the kitchen, becoming packers and movers, handling anything and everything in general. They become experts in every field.

The stints of loneliness, the stints of sick children, the stints of looking after ageing and ill parents, the admissions, the tuitions, the separation does take its toll. The CEO of a company has many working hands, but the CEO of the house has only two. The tension adds up if the home had a pet, so managing two dogs and a few birds isn’t a joke. Many a ladies don’t know how to ride a scooter or drive a car. Many a time’s the neighbors’ husband is  also out along with her husband, used to increase complications. Guests always enjoyed the hospitality of what we could muster at home. The bachelors were treated as their own younger brothers, who in turn looked after the ladies as their own elder sisters. Such camaraderie is rare. It needs to be kindled in our society too I feel.

Well folks, I cannot fathom the grief of a Veer Nari who lost her world. I cannot understand why she has to undergo the kind of harassment from the society, from the system and from the state, besides pressures from parents and in-laws. Today, as a nation we should firstly salute them for their sacrifice. However, I want the PM to promise on behalf of the nation, that they shall be looked after as our own family as a nation. On this Independence Day I want to thank all Veer Nari”s and all serving Ladies and Gentlemen along with their better halves and also those who have become veterans of armed forces and their spouses.  It is your sacrifice which helps India to be Independent. We are grateful as a fraternity to each one of you and promise will never ever let you down but is our nation ready to be with you when you need them the most. I wonder!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


© Noel Ellis


Well, well, well, overheard that our Honourable Minister of Kapra is going to clothe troops in Siachen Glacier this Independence Day. I don’t know if it is symbolic or is it to prove a point, but I can assure you that the jawan will be the happiest if her visit has some consequence in the corridors of Delhi. Reasons I shall enumerate as we go along the article. By the way people there prefer to see people with no kapra. Well folks the hangover of those days still remains, isn’t it?

The first person who will be extremely tense will be the dhobi. You know he handles maximum kapra, and that too with a soft coal fired iron. A lot of people depend on him, from a person going on leave, to posting or going for a march up to his CO. Everyone will be rushing to him to get his “KAPRE” pressed for the visit. People don’t realise, that everything under the down feather jacket will not be visible, but fauji doesn’t believe in it, he will wear a freshly pressed dress, come what may for a VIP visit, preferably a new one, with just one fear in mind, kahin “TUKAI” na ho jaye. No one likes to be ticked off.

The next person in a tizzy will be the Mess Havildar, who will be running down to Chandigarh every second day. The menu will change after every senior officer’s visit ranging from Continental to Chinese to Indian; ultimately it will be back to what the food member Lt IM Hungry proposed initially. The Mess Havildar’s list would keep increasing by the minute. It may include various sauces to baking powder, to a Nara (pyjama fastener) for the base commander. The other person in a flap would be the ASC battalion commander, as he is the only person who may have lady officers to deal with a lady of such stature. He also would be lining up all sorts of gypsies, from open to hard top. GOC will be happiest to offer his vehicle, but the happiest would be the driver to claim that he took the mantriji around.

I don’t know how cold or hot my lady would feel but I think the next person who will be mad would be Ordinance chap for two reasons. Firstly, to find a jacket which would fit her size, or maybe he will have to add some additional kapra, and secondly to find shoes of her size, as it is difficult to provide size 3 or 4 at that altitude. I only remember either they were too huge or too small.

Well after this anomaly is fixed the base commander would be running around to get a name plate made for her. He might fly down to Gopinath Bazzar in Delhi himself, as that is the only place where you can have them made instantly. I am sure the education officer would also be on the job to check out the spellings of her name. Checked & rechecked 200 times. The doctors would also be in a spin with her blood group issue. Yes she has so much of additional blood running in her for sure, but this would be for a different reason, as this blood group has to figure out on the name plate she will wear on her jacket. Tension us baat ki ziada hai, coz once name plate ordered is received, the damn thing can’t be changed overnight.

One more person who would be pulling his hair would be the barman. He is supposed to produce all sorts of Pani at a moment’s notice, it might be thanda pani, garam pani, nimbu pani (with without sugar), thandi lassi, garm lassi, namkeen lassi, meethi lassi, garam chai, fruit juice ranging from guava to mixed fruit. Knowing fauj well they will also produce fresh Narial pani at the glacier. Had I been a post commander there, I would have grown a coconut tree at the end of the run way and would have made a Tambi stand in a lungi to go up the tree on my signal.
One more chap who would be under pressure will be the baniya, who would have his oil piping hot, with the jalebi batter in a bag waiting for the Lt saabs hand signal, who would be signalled by the Major saab close to the helipad, who would have got his signal from the 2IC near the gypsy, who would further have been signalled by the base commander at the aircraft. I am sure these signals may vary from raising a baton, to scratching his beard vigorously, to saluting in thin air, to clearing his throat, finally the Lt tapping the baniya on the shoulder to start the jalebi making process, as madam would like to have steaming hot ones. We can go to any extreme, I know.

Some other parties who would be in stress would be the dance and drama party. There would be a Thambi preparing a Himachali song, and a Sardar doing kathak, I hope there are Gorkhas who can do the Khukri dance, but in case they are falling short of personnel, a Naga or Manipuri and even an Assami would make up for the rank and file. Then there would be some dressed as women, madamji please watch out for such kinds, they will be standing at the entrance giving you the traditional ladakhi welcome.

I can also imagine the sudden push towards swach Siachen abhiyaan, the house keepers would be in a frantic cleaning mode. In fact they might sweep away the “H” of each helipad, in case they have their way. Madam, please remember one thing, please do dry cleaning, or test the water for its temperature especially if you are using it at the wrong end of your body. It might be freezing to boiling. It is just a word of caution. Or else you won’t be able to explain why you got blisters at the wrong place.

I am not sure how many tons of geru & choona would have gone up, may be IL loads. You can be rest assured mam that if you will stay static for more than one hour someone will gerufy you, if not choonafy you. Don’t be misled by the nice white lines of the volley ball field there. It could range from milk powder, to atta to maida anything. Don’t be shocked if you see the post commanders steps lined with Cadbury’s chocolates. They have been lying there since ages as no one eats them beyond a day or two. Reasons are a bad tummy they give, which produce gases of the obnoxious kind, and the wrath of the buddies thereafter. Those chocolates are no good to man or beast.

Madam, what is the use of your going coz none of the kapra which is used by the troops is made indigenously. Even the parachutes used for drops many years ago were imported. I hope that after you have gone there this would change and high quality stuff required for these places are part of “make in India”. Please keep the politics and corruption away from the production of such material, as Sepoy Hanumanthappa survived by his sheer grit and will power besides the imported pieces of clothing and equipment he wore. So please do justice to your going to that place.

I would also just suggest stay there for a night or so. Go for a night patrol, see how night turns into day as the moon rises and feel for yourself the cold which in this season would be like Simla for the person who is well acclimatised. Don’t waste your time on photo sessions at the base camp, but visit an air maintained post, deliver a few letters and have a hot cuppa chai with the men there. Please bear the smell they emanate, please don’t go by their discoloured skin, please don’t check them for their long hair and beards, they all are normal human beings but with exceptional grit and determination. They are the best of best India has; they are the guardians of these icy frontiers. You should make yourself matter to them. This visit should not just be just a symbolic gesture; it should have meaning and substance, so that the OROP case and the 7th pay commission people are made to change their views, to understand how difficult it is to stay at such altitudes and such inclement weather.

Will you madam go there just for a chai-pokora session? Or will your every moment count towards elevating the morale of this soldier, who does not belong to this state or place, goes there to fight for India. He has no clue what is in store for him tomorrow, but will greet you with a smile, will bring a cheer to your heart and above all he is the sentinel of the glacier. JAI HIND.


© Noel Ellis



Friends, I think this discussion has gone far too long, that who deserves what, how much and why. While most people agree that the armed forces have always been on the wrong side of the receiving end though they deserve the best. However, when it comes to implementation of such commissions, it is Justice XYZ delivering his verdict. It is such honourable men like Justice Mathur who are ensuring that the future generation refrains from joining the Armed forces of India. Choice and justice delivered is yours dear sir, I wish you good luck. I will still like my child to adorn the Olive Greens, present controversy notwithstanding.

Well, justice sahib, we need real justice. Justice from this discrimination of pay parity, justice to get back our Izzat, justice to be able to serve this country longer, justice because we look after humanity during natural calamities and disasters, justice when it comes to looking after our families when we are at the borders, justice when we restore law and order due to the incompetence of the civil administration and mishandling by politicians, justice to deliver during war and bring victory to the nation, justice to live in peace, if there is peace.

Can justice be delivered to the armed forces fraternity by a person who has no clue which side should a rifle point if I use a term “Shikari” position? Can you do justice to the time spent without our families? Can you do justice to the ache in our hearts to meet and be with our better halves and children while you are with them every night? Can you do justice by depriving me of seeing my child take the first steps and walk for the first time? Or for that matter blabber the first words? Can you do justice, when I miss the funeral of my father as I missed my flight due to bad weather, and due to over congestion of troops at the airfield? Can you do justice by cutting short my leave as I am recalled to operational area for a call of duty? Can you do justice by not being there with my ailing parents and pregnant wife who has to go to hospital for her delivery, without my presence and moral support? Can you do justice to my children who go astray due to lack of supervision by the father? Can you do justice by guaranteeing me suitable re-employment when I have to leave the armed forces in the prime of my youth, without a secure future? I still guarantee you that you will find my shoes shining and my dress neat and crisp, an envy for many a civilian counter parts. I guarantee you I will work as hard and with as much dedication as I worked in the armed forces. I guarantee you that I shall prove to be an asset to the organization I get to serve in, by bringing in the best values taught to me. I assure you, still I shall make myself available for the country, whenever the need be, but do justice to my very existence while in service and after I am told to hang my uniform, PLEASE.

Can you justify giving me the disease called hypertension? As I always have the fear of the unknown while operating in tense insurgency areas? Can you justify the diseases I pick up like BP, diabetes, arthritis, high altitude pulmonary edema etc? Can you justify my lost hand, fingers, foot, leg eye, or scars which I get for no fault of mine? Can you justify not giving me the basic requirement of food in difficult terrain? Can you justify the vagaries of the inclement weather I have to face, which ranges from extreme cold, to extreme heat, to extreme humidity. Can you justify the leeches I have to pluck off my body at the end of the day? Can you justify plucking off the ticks which cling to my private parts during night patrols in the thick jungles of J&K? Can you justify to me why our letters should be censored and read by many before it reaches my wife? Can you justify not providing me a facility of a basic phone to speak to my beloved anytime I want? Can you justify my absence from birthdays, harvest and weddings in my own family? Where as you attend all. Can you justify presenting me with bullets from the enemy, and also from the unknown enemy which is within the country. Can you justify not catching and punishing the bribe takers & corrupt. Can you justify people who won’t sign the attestation of my child needing admission in college without greasing their palms? Can you justify not providing me proper accommodation in every military cantonment? Can you justify to me the availability of a sarkari vehicle with driver to you while you make me walk for miles on end where there are no roads and I have to make my own pathway to walk? Can you bring back my comrades who are still buried in deep snow due to avalanches? Can you bring back the prisoners of war who still rot in Paki jails?

I want to ask you Mr Justice that can you do justice by doing little something to keep my morale up. Can you define in any justice system the high degree of discipline we the armed forces have to maintain? Can your imagination fathom the way we bear loyalty and allegiance to the “Nishan” and the National flag, Can you justify the body which comes draped in the tri-colour? Will you do justice by giving glory and emoluments in time to the NOK of such deceased? Can you do justice to the thousands of young widows who could never imagine that the husbands shall never return? Can you do justice to the orphans of such martyrs? Can you do justice to the veterans, who till now are fighting valiantly, peacefully, in a disciplined manner for their rights which is being denied to them, courtesy insensitive, misinformed, Justice’ like you. You may deny it, but we know we deserve it and we shall get it. Period!

Mr Justice, come with us, sit behind in an Army truck, drive with us in a convoy from Jammu to Ladakh. Acclimatise, and stay at Bana top post for just 3 months, after your 3 months of induction training. Come down thereafter to base camp and stay for another 3 months. Believe you me on seeing the first carrot or cabbage in the market at Chandigarh you will run to touch it to see how it feels. Tell me the taste and smell of fresh chapattis and dal fry at the first dhaba that you come across. Tell me the taste and smell of “chai” at the railway station. Tell me how it feels to see the first good looking girl on the street when you have only seen bearded men, with stinky outfits all these days. Tell me how you react when the first smell of perfume hits your nostrils. Do tell me how it feels to hold a crisp news paper after ages, as you are used to reading such news papers in which you packed your chappals ages ago. Tell me how the first blast of FM radio echoes in your ears, after having heard the fauji radio sets constant whining and whistling. Tell me how the air feels in your lungs when you land at Delhi, It feels kind of heavy and smells like air. Tell me when you catch hold of someone’s mobile to call up your wife that darling I have landed and shall be home soon. Tell me when your little girl hugs you and screams on seeing you. Can you express the feelings that at times when she refused to recognise you when you came on leave? Tell me if your wife had to make up stories to reply to the child when the child would have asked that why papa has not come for my birthday. Tell me how it feels to see “I love you papa” scribbled in the corner of a letter written by your 5 year old daughter/son. Kindly also do justice to the soldier by just ensuring that he doesn’t go in an unreserved second class compartment packed like cattle. At least give him a berth in a 3rd AC as he would have descended from -20 to + 40.

These things are beyond imagination of yours Mr Justice. We don’t want to compare ourselves with any IAS, IPS, or IFS but we want justice to be delivered to us. Can you deliver it to the armed forces sir, I think you can, but with your mindset will you deliver the desired justice, I wonder!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


© Noel Ellis



Kashmir on the Paki side is on the boil; for reasons best known to Pakistan and its rulers, but why is our media fuming on what is happening in Indian Kashmir? Burhan wani and his ilk are getting too much of mileage courtesy our news channels, that one is really fed up of listening to the bak-bak on every channel about the “atrocities” done by the security forces on innocent civilians. Innocent, my foot! They are hooligans, pranksters, paid people, who neither are unemployed, nor want to get employed. They are “Tamashbeens”,  people who have come to pass time, as they have nothing else or better do, and as the day progresses they turn into a stone pelting mob, with no aim as such, but because my fellow villager has pelted one so I shall pelt two, is what is going on. Shame!

Actually, it is not that they who want Azadi, it is we who want Azadi from this daily soap that the media houses run. For channels it is a “story” which needs to get eyeballs. The AN-32 which went down is a story, a militant attacking anywhere is a story, rape is also a story and so is molestation. They just live on stories and pollute the minds of all of us with what they think is saleable in their opinion. We can’t do anything about it except flicking channels or we should stop watching news discussions. I don’t know, I am suffering from a kind of an addiction, that come 8 pm I am hooked on to news, English preferably but anything goes, Hindi news is also on the menu. I have to know what is happening in the world, but land up fretting because the news anchor force feeds me with his/her opinion. At the end of it all I feel like just switching the TV off. The pitch, tone and tenor of people on those discussions is so high, as if it’s a fish market, and everyone is trying to sell his/her fish. The aim gets hazy in the din and cacophony of the participants voices. News anchors included. They fight, they are disrespectful, most lack manners, many cross the line of decency; they don’t maintain any decorum, they do not adhere to civility. This needs to be stopped forthwith. I don’t know how to control my news-nerve, and the news-itch.

The anchors show that they are neutral, and are covering every side of the issue, but are they correct? Is it ethical? Is it warranted? Should it be done by anchors is the question in my mind? They are trying to incite emotions, and feed fuel to the pakis to take advantage of it by making a hue and cry in the world against India. Are we aware of the operations Paki army is conducting under their operation Zarb-e-Azb? We know sweet nothing and our news channels don’t have the guts to cover it. Media instead of making Burhan wani a hero from zero need to shift focus to Pakistani atrocities in POK. Why can’t they focus on issues which need to expose the Paki false claims? Why don’t they spend time, money and resources to bring Pakistani people, who are willing to disclose all atrocities with documentary proof. Instead, we land up listening to the Pakistani interlocutors, who have only a limited agenda. They keep harping on Kashmir, Samjhuta Express and Gujarat. What nonsense! If one has the patience to hear, they go back to the UN and its charter, and that’s it. They discuss nothing, and have the cheek to call our nation, and Prime Minister in particular names, this is also not acceptable to me. Why should our media friends invite such hooligans and get our country abused? I think they should take permission of the government to bring such people on their shows or be taken to task if India and Indians are abused. I would go further to say, stop getting all anti-Indian establishment speakers and especially those who question the security forces, to any of these news show. They have no right to open their mouths. Or else they should wear our uniforms and go for a cordon and search. Let them be part of an encounter before opening their mouth. I will let them speak if they don’t wet their pants or change the pants colour to yellow. Such people stink and so do such channels who invite them.

I am also surprised that pellet guns have become a major issue, and the militant guns are a non issue. Shocking! Media chaps, you people are sold it appears. I am surprised that the family of slain militants is more important than the widow of the martyred soldier. I am taken aback at listening to the point of view of the village the militant belonged to, and no voice for the parents and orphans of the actual hero, the soldier. I am astounded at the follow up done towards getting all sorts of goodies to the traitor of the nation, but the NOK of the Shaeed are running from pillar to post. Thanks and courtesy to the news channels, for them a story of a militant sells, and the story of the martyr goes to the dust bin. Each man who has fallen due to an enemy bullet or during a militant encounter should be glorified and supported by each one of us. How many of us lit a candle for the Vijay Diwas yesterday. I am sure there must be many, but please remember that all those who gather for a militant’s funeral are supporters of militancy is my view. Media please stop sympathizing with stone pelters and those who got injured with pellets. Tell them to stay home for their own sake. Results of a proper armed forces response would have been much worse if real bullets are fired on the mob. You stay at home and save yourself the dirty scar of the pellets.

I am writing all this in a kind of frustration, as the media persons do not understand the damage they are causing to the fabric of this nation by interacting and showing the militant side of the story. Such stories should be blacked out and never even mentioned. If a parent cannot control his child, and their boy picks up the gun against their own armed forces, he is better sent to meet the 72 virgins. He shall miss the ones who were destined on earth for him and now there is such high demand of virgins in heaven, as the Indian armed forces have pledged to eliminate these militants. It may be difficult for anyone including God to provide so many to them in their so called jannat.

Stop asking for help during natural calamities. The soldier shares his own meal and water to save you people. Many media personnel have the audacity to report that forces are not doing enough to evacuate all the people. Isn’t it appalling and outrageous. The soldier who irrespective of his caste, creed, and religion puts his life at stake for the ungrateful, who stab in the back, once their problem has tided over. For news channels this makes another story, demoralizing the man in uniform who works day and night to save humanity.

Let us start contacting the journo who runs such shows to stop them immediately. Let us not let the media engage with whomsoever they feel like bringing to the show, after all it’s a democracy, let us set the agenda of what we need to see and not the other way round that we get fed what they decide to show. Mostly it is garbage of different variety and kinds.

Will we change ourselves, I think we will, but will media stop getting hyper on stories which demoralize the hard work and toil done by every soldier for the thankless, I wonder!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


© Noel Ellis


There has been a clinical infection in J&K. Is it in the stomach? Is it in the heart? Is it in the appendix? Is it outside the body? Or is it everywhere, I am not sure. The only thing I know that this organ needs to be treated and fast as the infection of hatred is spreading to the rest of the body parts especially the ones which are co-located. The longer we delay to treat it, the greater chances are we lose more lives. Time now has come to take a decision, to keep it, to treat it till it is normal, or leave it to surgery. The issue here is of egos, India won’t let go of it, and Pakistan can do what it wants to surgically remove it, all its efforts will be futile. Treatment is difficult, as the patient is difficult, but the root cause of the disease is known.

Pakistan is the one who is pumping in all the muck and infection into this territory, has been proven beyond doubt. They openly admit that they will support all jihadist cause for J&K. The resultant has been that now this tetanus which has seeped in, is slowly increasing in size by attracting local youth. These local youth are now lifting their heads because they have remained in so much of turmoil for so many years. They know that death is certain, so why not kill maximum healthy cells (security forces) before they die. As also pass their genes/properties to most people they can gather support off, to further increase the stench and rot. This will increase the cost of saving J&K, by pumping in more funds and best of medical care. Their strategy now seems to be to spread infections and as much contamination as they can. Once you start staying in muck and stench, the smells and filth don’t matter to you, in fact if they will be put in a clean place, within days they will convert it into a garbage dump. This is what is happening to Kashmir is my gut feeling. I hope good sense prevails to make their mind and body receptive to cleanliness and discipline. In fact I would like to see a Swach Kashmir, Swach in the mind body and soul.

The antigens and antibodies (security forces) have been made weak. They are controlled by doctors (politicians) to an extent that if forces start eating and eliminating the viruses, the doctors withdraw support to the forces leaving them in a lurch. Rather than giving them the freedom to eradicate these pathogens, they the doctors curb their powers. Once the virus (militants) senses this, they grow bolder and start daring the antigens and antibodies. Now the body (India) is confused as to how to stop this cancer from spreading in Kashmir. Should we send more antibodies and antigens, should we pump in more medicine? Should we surgically remove this portion, if not remove this portion then isolate and segregate this portion? Medicines of the sweet kind are not helping; the medicines of the bitter kind are not acceptable. The bitter pills with sweet coatings are also ineffective. Now, what should India do?

The issue is if we use steroids on J&K, it might have worse side effects. If we use surgery, the wounds will have to be treated for very long. If we use homeopathy, this issue will take too long to resolve, and by that time it would be too late. There is a need to use a combination of all the above I feel. The basic issue remains that no doctor performs surgery if your sugar levels and BP is high. This indicates that the body has to be prepared internally so that all parameters are brought under control before starting the treatment. Also, doctors many a times advise not to go in for treatment due to external factors such as weather etc, so it means the external factor here is Pakistan, and the internal factor is the government of J&K and its people. Unless all sides are ready, treatment may not be possible. India knows that they are capable of preparing the body internally, with all kinds of life saving support to the state, but at times, there is a need to get treatment from foreign countries. With this I imply that the external factor which is Pakistan needs to be isolated by the world now, for India to create conducive conditions for the treatment of J&K. Time has come to create that favourable atmosphere.

The operation table, the bitter pill with sweet coatings, the antibodies and antigens, the life support system and hospital are ready to attack this disease which has spread in J&K. We have the Gamma rays ready for the surgery too, if need be. But will the external factors be given a shock treatment by the world to withdraw all support which is the cause of rot in J&K I am sure things will be done to achieve it, but is the diseased organ ready to get itself treated, I wonder!!!!!!!!



© Noel Ellis


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