Noel Ellis's Official Blog

I wield the pen to explore the vastness of the human mind

Month: September 2016

SURGERY ON PAKISTAN HAS BEGUN

Should I react to the declaration of this surgical strike or not is the question revolving in my mind since the time I heard this news? Well, I also should put in my two pennies worth and claim that my writings have brought this serial to end of episode one, if I may conjecture skeptically. This is just the beginning I suppose folks, we need to be treading with utmost caution, our guard should never be down, our watchfulness should be at its prime, and our intelligence network should be totally charged up and should provide us with the latest thinking in the Pakistani state and military’s mind in real time. Our logistics and rear echelons should be on the highest alert, in fact our peace stations should be ready for action, as they are the most vulnerable targets. Our families should be sensitized to be watchful and vigilant, school busses and schools especially schools in cantonments should be provided maximum protection, as now the state of Pakistan has been hit. His ego bubble has been burst, and his nose has been thrust under water, so now to breathe he may take support of anything and retaliate in any manner.

I hope this one action of ours would have given the “Chand-Tara” brigade a shock of a life time. The sense of astonishment and fright was clearly visible on the Paki defence minister’s face. Mr Raheel Sharif, you now will have to burn midnight oil continuously for days, firstly, to hide your face, and secondly in preparation to show your face again to your public. For that we shall be fully prepared and anticipate you actions, including missile strikes, which will be the worst thing to happen. Certain border actions we expect straight away. Let our troops be assured that Diwali celebrations have started. This time no crackers and fireworks, but real guns and rifles shall be fired. Let me add a word of caution to all the forward posts, there could be an arty barrage booming over your heads in the next couple of days, so my brothers prepare your defences well, follow each SOP meticulously and stay safe to celebrate next diwali with your family. This Diwali I am sure you may have to dedicate to damn Pakistan.

I would like to congratulate our elite soldiers who risked their lives to eliminate these filthy animals which the Pakistani calls Jihadis. Well, if the meaning of jihad is not clear to the other side then we assure them that we have now have taken a pledge to wage a jihad against all those who have bad intentions against my country. We shall wage a jihad against all those you train and fund these terrorists. We pledge ourselves to our nation, its peace, integrity and stability and to be faithful to the namak of this nation we eat. We shall not tolerate any piddly country like yours to dare to destabilize and shatter our peace. How dare you retard our growth? We have long tolerated your nonsense, and here is the first installment of presents for you. This is the revenge of the 18 you killed in URI, now we have to give back many installments in reverse order till 15 August 1947. You asked for it Mr Pakistan, so shall be given to you. We are prepared, now you get prepared. Your stock market has also tumbled today, so the writing is on the wall. The civilian government is not going to last long and the army take over in imminent. Now you will understand how much force does the recoil of a gun have on your own shoulders when you fire form your own. So gear up Pakistan, karz me dooboge, marz se maroge, jahalat se mar chuke ho, gurbat tumhe noch khayegi, pani ko mohtaaj rahoge, aur yadi nuclear war karne ki sochi, to pusht dar pust ganje paida hoge.

I would appreciate if the paki establishment stands up and says thank you India, that you have eliminated 38 animals. My estimate is that they are from one camp, there are six more camps which were targeted. Hope we get to see a figure of 38×7. Every time you will ask us to help you eliminate these B******, we will be more than happy to help. But beware, you play a double game with us, you shall be shown your AUKAAT. The world has understood your bluff, in fact they knew the realities since quite some time, but were refusing to react. Remember the so called disputed territory is ours, and we have all the right to visit our land it is unfortunate that you hold it illegally. We now shall take punitive action to expose you and your ilk to the world. The SAARC shall now be defunct, MFN of no MFN doesn’t matter. You should now consider India the MOST FEARED NATION, for times to come.
Our “aawaam” is with our prime minister, not like yours that all are dead against you. Here we stand united in this time of crisis. Our nation stands as one. Every chief minister has expressed his solidarity with our Prime Minister, that in case there is full scale war everyone will do his bit. In your case moment the war will break out, Mr Nawaz Sharif please run away to Dubai or UK whichever is your preferred nation. You are a failed state, a rouge state, a terrorist state, an unstable neighbour, an irritating neighbour, and we shall set you right. A glimpse of military action and diplomatic action has been given to you. Want more?

Time now has come dear Pakistan to behave; we are too big to be hassled. We cry on the quiet when you kill our people, we mourn amongst us for our fallen, but now you will be made to mourn. You have just one choice baby that just stop your bull crap and stop it now; failing which, there would be many more episodes of the blood opera. If your nefarious designs don’t change you shall be further split into minimum two pieces ab-initio, and may go on to four, insha-allaha you shall be obliterated form the map, A word of caution to the TV channels, just don’t start celebrating just now. Please don’t start jumping the gun so fast and start giving conclusions. Cover things maturely, cover what needs to be covered. Don’t spread panic and don’t create an alarm in the population. Let the people who are at it do their job, they know what to do and how to do it. Pakistan are you listening? I wonder!!!!!!!!!!!!

JAI HIND

© Noel Ellis

PARADIGM SHIFT IN TACKLING PAKISTAN

It is amply clear from the voices I hear from Pakistan today that Kashmir shall never be sorted out bilaterally, diplomatically, militarily, or by a dialogue in the near future. The dialogue changes to a monologue when it comes to the stand on Kashmir. Both sides are convinced that it belongs to them and both sides can argue till cows come home that who did wrong, how and where, but never accept one’s fault in mishandling the whole situation. So be it. It is abundantly clear that it is now a problem of egos only. If we have to believe Pakistan, they had never sent regulars with the tribal’s to invade, fine. They blame Nehru to run to the UN, fine. We are carrying out violations of human rights in Kashmir, fine. They call them jehadi’s, they are not terrorists, fine. They will sponsor terrorism as state policy, fine. So let us grant Pakistan its due, and radicalize our thinking to defeat this pain in the wrong place. My thoughts may be totally off the mark, weird and insane, but to sort our issues out I think we got to think differently. My hatred for Pakistan though will never die, as the blood which runs in my veins is still Olive Green even after retirement. So read on my take, right-wrong time will tell, experimental it is and may make some sense to someone somewhere.

Let me start by the “Intelligence” first. There is actually no synergy in our intelligence gathering efforts. It is my gut feeling. Let us admit it, we need to change the mind set of one up man ship. Mantriji-Tantriji besides, let us be true to ourselves and the salt we eat of our country. Let it be for RAW, IB, MI and what have you. Let the best minds work together, let there be just one agency working on intelligence. Funds have never been an issue. If with so many years of experience we still hesitate to share timely intelligence, it is a shame. In fact let all intelligence be shared with all irrespective of the uniform otherwise what is the use of having so many agencies and so many funds. If we have a single agency dealing with it, and a single point contact, no intruder, no anti national can go undetected. We need a will and the pathway shall automatically be paved for effective, timely, and pin point intelligence. Then let Pakistan or Anystaan send anyone from anywhere, he should be in his grave before he sees the light of the next day. Period! Sounds outlandish, isn’t it?

My second suggestion is that let us have more army in the valley. Let us convert Rashtriya rifles to army. Let Pakistan cry about our additional deployment, let us seal as much as we can, and as effectively as we can. Then let us see how many infiltrations are successful. Let us force them to adopt other routes or other countries for infiltration. It will cost, and require too much of coordination. Before this terrorist is effective in the valley, he should be picked up and sorted out. In addition, let BSF just guard the border posts under command army in J&K. no BSF to be present in the heartland. CRPF should be centrally deployed on road opening duties under command army with reserves as a reaction team in every pocket and every district. CISF to take care of all installations of the state and centre including schools, but be deployed under command the army. There needs to be one agency giving orders, one agency responsible for all reactions in a particular area. J&K police to be for the protection of their state ministers and state assets. Traffic control, monitoring of road movement needs to be done by them under the Army. All Hurriat leaders need to be put under arrest with the army. Everything of theirs monitored first hand. There should be only one agency, ARMY, dealing with all aspects of deployment, defence, counter infiltration, anti infiltration, intelligence gathering, dissemination of information and executive orders in the valley. Then one needs to see the results. Too many cooks have spoilt the broth has been ongoing far too long. One commander, one leader, one aim, one focus, one mind set, to achieve a militant free Kashmir or what is left of kashmir in our hands. Let Pakistan keep making noises, it is our country, we decide what is best for us, and you can go count your bakras for the next eid for all I care. Period!

Let us make our own weapons, tanks, aircrafts, ships and submarines in India. No collaboration, transfer of technology, semi knock down kits etc. India made weapons, for Indian soldiers to use. Buy all latest from the world today, give a time line to DRDO that in next 5 years we want functional war machinery with state of art weaponry, MADE in INDIA and not via bhatinda. DRDO and their ilk have ensured that lakhs of crores have been blown in the wind and still we haven’t been able to make a suitable rifle, suitable aircraft or a suitable tank for this country. No Russian, American, Israeli, French, Czech or any other markings on any of our weapon platforms. We need therefore to manufacture all our ammunition right here, and modulate our production as per our requirement. We have all sorts of space and missile technology, there is no use launching satellites for Eritrea, if we can’t manufacture things for ourselves. Is China so good that it can develop systems for its defensive and offensive needs and we say we are 1.25 billion strong and can do just nothing? Let us make a system called the RAM BAAN, if it suits the government, but let it be a deterrent for the world. Let us make Pakistan spend on its defence budget in fear of India that if India so decides it will not care for world opinion, and will capture what it needs to capture at will. Hum se panga nahi lena ka, and bleed him by not letting him spend on development. Period!

We also need to have just two political parties, at all levels in India, unless we become decisive in our democracy, we shall keep sitting on our haunches and keep yelling that Pakistan has slapped us once again. We need a national consensus, and not a Cauvery consensus, or vadra consensus. We have to keep India first. MPs elected represent their people for the national cause. Keep them free from the state level politics. MLAs look after the state and state politics. Modiji, one more thing, sort out this damn bureaucracy, bring in the bureaucratic reforms. Till the time you have weak, illiterate, people from the religious communities, untrained in politics sitting in the parliament, then leave alone Pakistan, we shall be fighting for cows, and rivers. This country and its potential will be frittered away for castes, creeds, religions and state. One nation, one goal, one focus, India first. Period!

Last but not the least; please give the armed forces and its veterans their due. Tell me one occasion when these people have let you down. Internal aggression or external, from flood, famine to earthquake, to any natural or manmade calamity, this poor underpaid man, works with one aim in mind and that is India, India’s citizens, Indian integrity and India’s sovereignty. Lift him up Sir, boost him up, and give him the freedom to show you how he can do wonders. You put him in a backstage, treat him as an unskilled worker, don’t look after him when he is away from his family, neglect him when he loses a limb and shun him if he dies, rebuke him when he retires from service. What wrong has he done Sir? Boost him by giving him the best of weapons and protection. Give him the izzat he deserves then see. He lives and dies for one flag, he just wants to hear one sound resounding in the whole world, and let Pakistan hear its echoes reverberating and it is called JAI HIND!!!!!

JAI HIND

© Noel Ellis

“GIVERS NEED TO SET LIMITS BECAUSE TAKERS RARELY DO”

Today, I came across this beautiful quote on face book, and have been thinking about it since then. India has been the biggest giver I feel. I shall not quote history of our invaders from the Moguls to the British that is for historians to comment upon. I shall restrict myself to our partition into India-Pakistan and thereafter. Where should I start from, say let me start from Mr Mohammed Ali Jinnah. He was an Indian. Along with him we gave away thousands of acres of land, thousands of our Muslim brethren went away to live in peace, we gave 1/3 of our armed forces, but peace never prevailed. What did the takers give us, starting from the first war in 1947-48? They sent us train loads of bodies cut into pieces. We gave part of our Punjab and quite a bit of Kashmir, we gave our Bengal and still the taker wanted more. So with this as the background, I would like to like to discuss with you all as to what should be the limits set for this country called Pakistan, and what should be the time frame for such limits to be implemented. In fact, should be fix any limits at all? It has been close to 70 years and the takers are only demanding more and hurting us repeatedly.

This reminds me of the stray dogs in my colony, people start feeding the pups for various reasons, mostly pity. Then they grow up and start demanding for food. If you don’t give them food than our children coming and going to school are in jeopardy as they scare them like hell, and when you decide to shoo them away, they bark at you, snarl at you and some of them become so aggressive that they sometimes even bite you. Then you go running around to your management to do something about this menace. The management cannot put them to sleep as the animal right activists will go running to Ms Menka Gandhi. So one solution is to catch them and leave them as far as you can, but it doesn’t work, either they come back, or new dogs come and occupy their space. The second option is to neuter them, well it does work partially, as one odd is left fertile and is capable enough to extend his services for the next litter. Dogs do come in control by this method but are not eradicated. So somehow you learn to live with them. Yes there are a few of your neighbours, who will not stop feeding them and giving them those left over’s, so now instead of your verandah they find refuge in someone else’s garage. The problem of this dog menace stays? Everyone is concerned, most of us are scared, some deploy a person to shoo them away, many try to poison them on the quiet, but, dogs remain, some friendly, and most of them aggressive, ready to bite and snarl at a moment’s notice. Replace the word dog with Pakistan, do you find a similarity? I do.

We gave away 93000 prisoners of war, the taker forgot them. We give water from our rivers, the takers want more, and resist us using any of it. We gave them MFN status, they refuse to acknowledge it. We wanted to solve things through the UN, but they invaded and refused to go back. We want things to be bilaterally settled, they don’t want it and keep provoking by attacking us in URI, Pathankot, Gurdaspur, Bombay 26/11 etc. We were taken by surprise in 1965, we beat them black and blue in 1971, and they encroached upon Kargil and got a bloody nose when we went on a bus diplomacy trip. We had to lose so many of our soldiers in Kargil due to Pakistan’s nefarious designs and intentions to take more and more. We buried their soldiers with full military honours, as they refused to claim their bodies. In return, they mutilated the bodies of our pilots and jawans against the Geneva conventions. They cut off the heads of our soldiers and still have the guts and gumption to provoke us. They are causing us causalities by sending terrorists, while we offer to give them peace. They get nukes clandestinely, and now claim to be a nuclear state, because we gave them the far too much leeway then these people deserved it seems.

We don’t mess with their internal situation, but they have factories producing terrorists which they camouflage in guise of jehadis. They as a state policy support terrorism with the help of foreign monetary and military support. Russians have long left Afghanistan yaar, have some shame at least. So, our understanding that a stable and strong Pakistan is good for India is backfiring always and every time. We are losing soldiers; they are inciting people in Kashmir to revolt, knowing full well, that Indian stand is firm, that forget Kashmir talk about the rest. In the 1950s I learnt that they offered East Pakistan in lieu of Kashmir, what a mentality. We had to surgically then separate it as we could take no more refugees. These dogs will not leave our colony or the neighborhood. You shoo them away they will come back to bite you, you neuter them, some of them will always be left to multiply, so one has to think some way out. I agree with many of my friends who took an offence to my suggestion of going to war, well alright, giving them a fair chance and should we keep feeding such dogs, keep letting them occupy our garage, and still be bitten over and again. Well, it is time to do something different. Isn’t it?

When I was posted in Delhi, I remember being a duty officer sometimes in South Block. Believe you me; I was surprised to see a pipe hanging out of the window of the duty officer’s room. On enquiring from the duty clerk, it was shocking for me to know that this is for the late night or early morning pee because to go to the washroom, one had to pass through a congress of monkeys hanging from every wall inside south block. God forbid if you are carrying polythene, may be with your toothbrush and tooth paste, man, you were in for trouble. Many officers got injured, but we had to live with it. By the way, this place was very close to where Modiji sat till late at night listening to the armed forces point of view for settling this monkey called Pakistan. There was a counter to these monkeys, and a man used to be hired with a big black faced monkey called a Langoor. This hulk used to be let free against the monkeys. This guy used to create panic in their ranks, and one found the monkeys scampering from South block to North block and various other government offices. In fact, I used to think if we let them run our offices they will run it better, as I found the occupants of many chairs worse than them. Well, I used to forego my drink on duty nights for the fear of a pee and wait for the driver to come with a danda to take me home after I finished compiling all reports next morning. I had this encounter with monkeys twice, once I escaped, and once I “GAVE” my toothpaste which the bloody fellow enjoyed.

Well, choice is with us that either we keep feeding and giving this doggy/monkey shelter, or we hire bigger monkeys and ferocious dogs that can bite these bloody dogs/monkeys once in a while to induce fear. India has always been magnanimous and tolerated lot on nonsense but have we ever thought of neutering these dogs, if not time has come to set the limits, till the time you bark, we shall tolerate you, the moment you bite your balls will be chopped off. Is anyone listening, I wonder!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JAI HIND

© Noel Ellis

WHY PAKISTAN LAUGHS AT US

You know what, as I watch news discussions, I begin to laugh especially when everyone is discussing the options to be used against Pakistan. There are these diplomatic experts, then there are these foreign experts, we also have the economic experts, then how can I forget my defence experts, in addition we have a set of Pakistani experts and last but not the least our political experts. What a plethora and range of experts we have! If I start listing out their suggestions this article will run into as many pages as the experts I have mentioned, but that is not the aim today. I wish to put across why I laugh and why Pakistan laughs at us. Well, I laugh to suppress my rage against these experts and more so the moderators of the discussions. Why Pakistan laughs, you will have to read on to find out.

Let me start with the Pakistanis first, well lesser said the better. They have been playing the same broken record since 26/11 of total denial. Well good luck to them. There comes a time in one’s life that one knows that one has diabetes and there is a need to control this darling called sugar, but one remains in a state of denial. Then what happens, one or more of your organ fails, and may result in death or amputation. So my paki friends keep saying that they are not aware and you don’t care, when we are telling them that your disease is showing, take our suggestion or face the consequences. The more you delay it, maybe Balochistan may get amputated, or if you nuke us within your territory, as what you plan to do in case we invade you, that area will be no good for use to man or beast for centuries. We may lose a few tanks and its crew, but you will make your own land barren and infertile forever. You dare use nukes against any of our populated areas, my God, what will happen to Pakistan thereafter, well let your imaginations run wild. Till the time all this hullabaloo is on a TV show it is fine, when it shall come to brass tacks, dear Pakistan don’t even write your wills as there would be no one left to execute it. Period!

Now coming to our foreign and diplomatic experts, well they are people who have been ambassadors etc, they are knowledgeable people and speak sense, but are very diplomatic in their suggestions. They will give one suggestion with 20 consequences so by the end of their turn you are wondering should you do it or should you avoid it. But on the discussion one has to look intelligent and clued-up rather than the confused kind, so just agree to do what the diplomat has said, and then scratch your head, and leave it at that. They suggest everything, reveal nothing. They tell history from its genesis like a fairy tale, but then bring all other countries in between to leave you bewildered. So you seriously contemplate that this is how we were going to tackle Pakistan. Instead land up alienating China, from taking support of USA, who in turn would not let the Russians come though the silk route, to help poor Afghanistan which is left high and dry with no mai baap hoping UN remains no more defunct like always. Pakistan in the bargain gets blurred. Well done sirs, I wish I were a diplomat. I would have attacked Eritrea to conquer Pakistan because of back your channel talks. If you can’t convince then confuse is the principal I think.

A word about the dhotiwalas or the political experts, well they can’t move beyond Ammaji, Sonia ji Rahulji and Modi ji. Mufti ji till date is nowhere to be seen, I hope URI and the valley refers to J&K. Rahulji will give free bijli pani to all farmers of J&K, when Imran Khan comes to power in Pakistan, in case there is any of it left. He will provide charpoys to all Kashmiris as he can’t see them sleeping on floors of their houses. The various senas are sharpening their tools or may I say weaponry like the gaddas, bow and arrows for complete annihilation of terror camps. Then there are some who are ready to give their lanterns for illuminating the battle zone. AK said he will give the best non lethal weapon to the forces, called the JHARU. Ask the husbands who have been beaten by one, the red marks on the bums stay for quite a while. The UP ones have offered to give bicycles to all fujis, as they get tired walking up the mountain slopes as environment friendly transport. Some of them are ready to give their table clocks to be tied with all timed devices which will be used to explode at the time and place of our choosing. Well, one can only pity the politicians that after 70 years of democracy, there is nothing but “democrazy”. God save us from these topiwals and dhotiwalas, I just can’t stand them.

I have actually been missing the AMAN KI ASHA experts and all those who cry Human Rights. Well, India, we need to take a call, to tell these people now guys wait, let this cancer called Pakistan be sorted out, and we shall give you plush offices at Nariman Point and Connaught place. We all know cancer has no cure, partially it may be cured, it can be avoided if detected in time, and we have suffered 70 years  and now decided to go in for chemo & gamma therapy, and in case if it needs removal of a portion of the affected area, so be it. We know cancer can recur, but let us not delay treatment any further. So you peaceniks and cry wolf folks, just hold your horses, till this surgery is over.

Coming to our military experts, my God, as an army man myself I was not aware of many of the military options, now I know it. I was not aware of how many tons of nukes would be sufficient to wipe off Pakistan, now I know it. I was not aware of the exact locations of many battalions, brigades, divisions and their roles; now the whole world knows it. Was I ignorant, or was there a sense of security when I was in uniform. Now, it appears to be free for all. Retired Generals are giving advanced warnings that a particular sector would be raided as if they are battle field radars (With due respect sirs). What are the options of the strike corps and holding corps being discussed on TV, I am shocked and amazed, and then started to laugh at my own self, that man, had you become a prisoner of war ever, you would have confused the Pakis thoroughly about the Indian Army. Rest assured after interrogating me their sense of direction with reference to north would have gone kaput and Pakistan would have landed up attacking Tajikistan or South Africa instead of India. Thank your stars.

Last but not the least, a word or so about the anchors, they think they are too smart and cunning, they think they are the people who will resolve the Pakistan issue like the snap of their fingers. They think that they will not disclose anything by camouflaging them in words and journalistic jargon. They say, look my news channel shall disclose nothing, but I will let the Politician, the General, and the Diplomat on the programme to disclose everything. I am not responsible for what they say, as I have cautioned all of them not to discuss any plans of war of any sort. May be it economic, diplomatic, or military option, but I would let the world know that yes this is the most likely option which India can take. They keep saying I am just suggesting it to the government, but finally it is left to Mr PM to decide what is best for the country, my foot dear anchors, you have done the biggest disservice to this nation, and so have the others. I can just laugh at myself, and keep laughing as when all my cards have been displayed on the table and having no clue of the opponents cards how do I win this hand. Gabbar Singh (name of one of my battalion waiters), Noel saab ke liye ek drink lagao!!!!!!!!

JAI HIND

© Noel Ellis

MY HEART BLEEDS FOR MY BROTHERS IN ARMS

My heart is churning since the time I got news of the Uri attack. My blood has been boiling since then, 21 of my comrades now lie in coffins ready to be dispatched on their never to return journey. It was the blackest day in the history of India & the blackest day in history of armed forces of India. My head hangs in shame as we could not prevent it. We as a nation are very far thinking, we are visionaries for the nation’s progress, we are crystal gazers for India to be a super power, but we are blind as far as the losses of the nation are concerned, we are sightless regarding the pride of our nation, we are spineless as far as Pakistan is concerned. In fact we are spunk less for our own fears what the world will think of a nation which was lead by Gandhi once. Well, then there were hardly any weapons, tanks, and missiles more so of the nuclear kind. I think times have changed. So our response needs to change and be in sync with the present and be drastic. We have offered our right and left cheek, they have been slapping our butts too.

Mao Tse Tung said “political power comes from the barrel of a gun”. But in India power comes from the KURSI you hold, rest don’t matter. Power is displayed only when there is a fight to grab votes for elections. Haven’t you heard politicians telling, ye election hamari akhri jung hai, Hum eri-choti ka zor lagadenge is larai mein, hum maidane jung mein apna best candidate utarenge, ye election nahi hamari izzat hai, etc etc. yaar, wake up, you buggers are chocolate cream soldiers, real soldiers die for the tri-colour. Here we have politicians chairing high level meetings, defence ministers rushing to the scene and tweeting, damn it, the military is capable, don’t make it walk with crutches by making a tamasha and showing the electorate you care. Half of the army will go in your protection and the balance will be just managing to keep a vigil. Stop this monkey business. Let us not dilute asli jung with political jung. Jin ka kaam hai jung karna unhe mazboot karo, unka morale high karo, unka gola barood upgrade karo, un ki facility barhao, tumhe apni kursi, aur petty politics ki chinta hai, paise banane ki chinta hai, apni tankha aur pension barhane ki chinta hai kewal. Desh aur desh ka sipahi gaya tel lene. Ab fiqr karna band karo, aur fiqr ka zikr bhi, ab action karo mere sansado, aur thori sharm karo, ek sipahi ki jaan beshkeemti hai, kash wo tumhara beta hota, tab pata chalta kaise khoon se barkraar rakhi jati hai is desh ki azadi.

Well let us do a cost analysis. Is it better to have a ruined family of a widow, a few orphans, a shattered set of parents, and a group of broken hearted friends? Or should it be the proud parents, a happy wife, smiley children, and friends waiting for the soldier to come home and share his stories. Is it better to dole out lakhs of Rupees to compensate the dead who can never be brought back, or is it better to look after him well while he is in service, or after he has put in his required mandatory service period by giving him a good pay packet through OROP and while in service the best in the pay commission. Our chest beating at home will continue, and our arrogant mantris and netas fooled by the babus will keep killing the spirit of the protectors of the nation. Jago desh wasio, sachai ko samjho, ye late jate hain vote ke liye, aur bik jate hain note keliye, or desh ke sipahi ko fenk dete hain raddi ki tokri mein. Ye neta na mere na is desh ke, ye neta sirf, bhashan, ration, singhason aur cash ke.

Have we ever estimated the losses in real terms since 1947 in J&K? What would have been the cost of war and losses had we taken all which was snatched by Pakistan in 1947 itself. Or say in 1971. Today we would have been in peace. Let us not bother of how much backwards we shall go in monetary terms friends, let us obliterate this worm called Pakistan off the map. This maggot has been drilling a hole in every nook and corner of our country and we have been just patching up and trying to be good to this gandi naali ka keera. Pakistan deserves no sympathy, and those who have sympathy for Pakistan or azadi deserve no place on our soil. Let them scamper off to wherever they want to. All traitors should be hung at lal chowk today. These Hurriat people definitely were in the know of the Uri attack, they deserve no mercy. India should execute all militants, so that all Burhan wanis who crop up here after are hung on one of the char chinars in dal lake. Make these executions public, for the world to see, make a court, do a trial, declare a verdict, to be hanged by the neck, till death, in public, telecast live on all channels. The Maoist also be warned, that you dare do such a thing, gallows are waiting.

I am burning inside, when I saw on you tube that the Pakistani side are saying that the timing is just before UN Gen assembly meeting to show Pakistan down, WTF. They say that India is orchestrating such attacks on itself like they did the Pathankot attacks, WTF. They say that after so much tight security where not even a Parinda ka maro par, how can 4 people infiltrate and carry out such destruction, WTF. We should now get the Pakistani ambassador to Srinagar, and hand him over the bodies, whether he likes it or not, accepts it or not. Mr XYZ here are your people, do what you want with them. Hand him over the recovered grenades, with the pin removed, and say enjoy friend play with these toys. Let the grenades be with compliments from the brigade commander. Give him a pistol to shoot himself, if he finds the Indian crowds coming to lynch him. Give him no time and send those ISI spies packing home today from Delhi consulate, with the bodies of these militants. Give him the addresses of the militants, which he can keep denying, and in case he doesn’t understand logic, burn the bodies in front of him. Burn them as they burnt our soldiers. Every militant hereafter caught, should be given a public hanging and burnt. Let all the mehboobas and muftis cry hoarse that we are going to alienate the Kashmiris. You are already alienated friends, now you need to be treated the right way. Abdullahs can take a shikara ride for all I care. You call yourselves leaders of people, how can these Dastards come in without you people knowing it. You are hand in glove with them. If you are not true to the motherland, leave this country, or else report such cowards to the security agencies. Get your mukhbirs on the job, don’t sit under Z+ security and become a tamashbeen.  Do your job? Don’t just keep asking for funds and perks. Work for India. Work for Kashmir, work for insaniyat at least.

No doubt this was a well orchestrated, rehearsed, and planned operation, supported by the Pakistan military and the ISI. Muzaffarabad not being far from there, one should have anticipated it. The number of days these guys took to recce that area and no specific intelligence inputs from RAW or IB is not possible.  The age old saying laton ke bhoot baton se nahi mante, goes for Pakistan which deserves a kick from all sides, and internally we need to kick all who faltered. Mr PM I don’t care about your ache din or no ache din slogan but I want bahut bure din for Pakistan, I want Pakistan to be isolated and annihilated economically, militarily, financially, and whichever way, but I want to see Pakistan buckling down to its knees and begging forgiveness. China-Shina I don’t care let them also try and burn their fingers in this fire. Kashmir was ours, we take it back. Baluchistan was never Pakistan’s; let us free it from its clutches. Let all terror camps be obliterated along the LOC, let all houses of hafiz saeed and mulla omar be raised to the ground. In better words, (NIST-O-NABOOD) kar do, hamara kya hoga hum dekh lenge, but once for all I want this cancer to be removed from this earth.

JAI HIND

© Noel Ellis

MY LOVE FOR AK AND AAP

There was a time when we all used to wait for AK to fire. Mystery used to shroud the next target, the excitement was continuous. Even the corrupt started thinking that should I leave today’s cut for AKs sake. It was a wonderful feeling, that here comes crusader “jo sab ki vaat lagane wala hai”. His closeness to Anna the great was a matter of envy. Believe you me I considered Anna to reform and transform India, and the tools of AK and KB were good enough to sort all the malaise of this country, but ye na hua. Then we saw our Great Gen sahib, who else but VK, going and whispering in the ears of Anna. Even the ISI could not decipher what was said in those meetings, but one thing was sure that if two ex servicemen meet and decide to do something, they do it. But nothing concrete happened. Now AK split and was his own “His Master’s Voice”, the drama of fasts, and breaking of fasts continued what a movement it was! My fellow veterans’ went to all maidans to experience the energy first hand and felt that now India shall change. I was skeptical even then. I am skeptical even now.

Soon came of the phase of AK 49, and lo and behold, bijili, pani sab maaf, safai at full swing, Discoms were shit scared to switch on fans in their offices as if it was Gabbar’s threat and the ransom laid on their heads by AK will put them into the clink the next day. That also didn’t happen. AK resigned and went for his Ganga dips, washed away his sins and came back to start his sins afresh. Naturally, once the previous sins were washed away, one could think of newer, costlier and deadlier sins. So he started to execute his party members for various reasons and especially all those who were not toeing his line, but maintaining an opaque transparency throughout. Admirals and stalwarts were shown the door before a new government could start. Many a scribes had joined him, and his confidence to handle the media increased day by day. Now the complete Modi sarkar was under fire. The breakaway republic of KB tried to wet her fingers in the muck of politics, not realizing that the muck was not water but acid, she got burnt, and is now recovering as an LG on a beautiful beach of Pondicherry, 500 miles away from home (remember the song 500 miles away from home folks).

Now AK 49 became AK 69, what an up gradation! It was like you were sitting in the luggage compartment you get upgraded to business class. The wagon R suddenly grew wings, and so did egos. Had it been any other state, AK would have transformed it, but he is in Delhi. So now the LG and NM are on his firing line. AK 69, actually declared independence from India. It was like the valley declaring independence. I wish AK could have gone to Srinagar and resolved those issues rather than creating a mini valley in the capital, well, let us leave it aside for the time being. A person, who has no idea of governance, rather than learning the ropes, started changing them from day one. Free wifi, cameras by the thousands, busses, odd-even, getting hold of private schools, and nothing beyond that was his priority. People initially took all these experiments at face value and cooperated wholeheartedly. But then he took a panga with the IG Police. Arey baba, security of Delhi is not only CM Delhi’s baby yaar can’t you understand simple logic, but with a one track mind, and Dharna politics, it was not surprising to see him lying on the roads. Well, you were slapped and inked, now be prepared for “chittars”.

In the interim, his Mantri’s started getting knocked out, for reasons well know, including the scandalous CDs of the interesting kinds. Now how does one divert attention, shout anti BJP, anti Modi, anti LG, this doesn’t work. So run away from Delhi to Punjab, or to a foreign locale. Media today is so smart; they will get you in your grave sir. So you feign illness, I believe that the reason given for your perpetual cuff (not cough) is your long tongue. I am tongue in cheek at this discovery and sincerely feel that it should have been cut to size long back, as in my view it was hanging too far, too long and throwing a lot of spit. Hope it relieves you of your foot in the mouth disease and you now concentrate on MCD, ya you understood correct, Malaria, Chikungunya and Dengue, besides the way Municipal Corporation is run. (I wish this disease would have something to do with Chicken, I learnt one spelling of a disease today) Poor Modiji kept harping of swach bharat, bimari free bharat, and under his nose he finds aswachta of the political kind. Get your act straight Mr AK. Now I have a very dear friend of mine whom you have expelled from the party. As I used to ask him are you ex NDA, which squadron, which course, I can’t ask him which party, and which constituency, as I just can’t see politicians and politics mucking my life. I want to keep my tan, man and conscious swach and prefer to be a mango man.

My feelings don’t end here friends. I want to address all the senior officers, Generals, Air Marshals, Admirals and Brigadiers who signed up for a cause which AK had given. With all due respect and courtesy to them, the thought was excellent no doubt, but Sirs, you were leaders of disciplined men, you were leaders of obedient men, you were leaders of dedicated men, you were leaders of loyal men, you campaigned and fought for your Izzat-o-iqbal and now you have accepted the leadership of a person, who except for his Dharna qualities doesn’t have an iota of the OLQs which you all have. I can understand that you want to do good for the nation, for the people, you feel for the needy and downtrodden, and you found him as source to fulfill your dreams. Sirs, the simple thought that I shall use the MLAs fund for all that is not going right in my constituency is understood, but try spending those funds. If I can make a rough estimate of funds released in white for a constituency, and money spent in black, it might be more than one year’s national budget. Fauji’s can’t generate such black money; faujis won’t touch such funds, unless the quality of fauji leadership has changed. To run an NGO for a cause close to your heart is better than running a political set up. I felt so bad when Gen Khanduri was removed from the Chief Minister ship. I felt like being cashiered and removed from command. It can happen to all of you, Ask Admiral Ramdas how he felt? There is still time my respected seniors, a humble submission and suggestion, that’s all.

I am totally disillusioned with AK, his team and his politics. I am sure this article is going to hurt a lot of people especially the AAP aspirants and many of those who are my school types and are looking forward to make a political mark. Sirs, again with due respect, start afresh, may be as an independent, but not with a rudderless, directionless, party leader, who in my opinion has cooked his goose in Delhi, Punjab and Goa are next in line. I am anticipating Presidential rule in Delhi which is not very far, though AK may get more ammunition to fire left right and center, but it would be deliverance from evil off the streets of Delhi. The perception he gives is of a very casual approach to things, but he is narrow minded, he is shrewd, he takes revenge, and appears very sweet and friendly on top. He will ditch one and all, even his best friend MS who is abroad on an educational tour if a situation so arises. I have no faith in either him or his leadership. Jagne wale jag jao, baki sab dharne par baith jao. Jai Hind!!!!!!!

JAI HIND

© Noel Ellis

OF WATER DISPUTES AND OTHER FAUJI STORIES

I remember during the Kargil days I was deployed in a God forsaken village somewhere near Gharsana Mandi. I had just got back from Staff College, fresh as a flower ready to bloom, but all the staff work and staff tables learnt at the college went for a six when it came to battle. When I reached the operational area, ammunition was all loaded and we were waiting for the balloon to go up. Imagine month of May, area around Ganganagar which breaks all records of heat in summers, I with my company were deployed around a barren sand dune, on the outskirts of a village. This actually was the shitting area of the villagers since ages, Imagine, just because of an INT NCO, who put a blue roundel to mark the company on a map, a class- A gazetted officer, ready to lead his company in battle, was told to camp in mounds of shit. I had to request the villagers to change their mine laying & firing direction as we would have been casualties of gaseous warfare and roasted alive before starting the war. I was lucky to have a KIKAR tree, basically a landmark for my buddy to wake the right person up with a cup of tea in the morning; otherwise this tree only had shade to hide a caterpillar.

Well, how the water issue cropped up was that there was a drain very close to my tent. The size was not more than one feet by one feet, which used to flow once a week, and it used to be bliss as my company in turns used to bathe in that trickle. I too could enjoy a dip. But this was too little for the entire cotton fields which it used to irrigate. So I decided to take a walk along this drain till I hit a proper canal about 4 kms upstream. One good observation about this walk was I found a nice shady place upstream, lined up with thick SHEESHAMs, an ideal place to beat the heat. Camouflage under the trees was good and I also knew Pakistan won’t dare to trouble me. This was an ideal place as my company was sitting ducks in the open fields where we had been deployed and we needed to shift at the earliest.

I walked up to the BM of the brigade one day. He did Staff College one course before me, sitting in his dug in tent, pondering over piles of paper counting bunkers and trying to wipe off his sweaty brow. He just refused to budge to change my location and started giving me all stories that your six figure grid reference has been given till command level and cannot be changed. I joked with him, hope he has not given the same to Benazir Bhutto who might land up for a cup of tea with me. I in the same breadth moved that dot of sticking tape to the new location just a kilometer away. He got wild, how dare you touch my map, put the dot where it was earlier, I said brother, now you pick up your bags and go till command HQs to now show the correct location of my company. My Int NCO had already gone to the ops room and changed my location on all markings he could lay his hands on. My CO also intervened, and we were moved in shade in June.

Farmers there used to fight like hell over water. Petty fights were a common scene with the choicest of Punjabi adjectives, which I added on to my private dictionary. The water was discharged for a particular time for a particular field; any one found violating had to pay a fine. Fine was no water next week from this SATMAHI (once in seven days). Soon I became the gaon bura of that “Chak” and evenings used to be spent resolving many small-small issues from private, to personal to water to school etc. I became their honorary colonel I suppose. One day I called all the panch’s over a cup of tea and told them the reason of less water flowing in the side canals. They had not desilted the damn thing since its inception 40 years back, so I gave them a choice, that I will continuously supply tea from my langar, you bring the milk, and the manpower to desilt it. Next day work started, with all able bodied men and women of the village, along with digging tools came over and within one week the drain started looking like a canal. BMPs had crossed over them like cake walk while we had moved in, now it was an obstacle. Anyways, we found a detour and another route in case we were to scramble for war.

Water started gushing in the fields; the whole village came and thanked me, and said how we can repay you for your gesture. I requested them to make two tandoors next to my langar and train my cooks. 5-6 ladies of the village got to work, and within two days the tandoors took shape, and within a week after seasoning the clay ovens with gobar, and gur my tandoors were ready to fire. I told the gaon bura that I will pay for the training of cooks who will seko the rotis, he said nothing doing. So every “issue” day, my cooks used to make tandoori rotis for the company. Believe you me folks, my consumption of atta doubled, and all the atta surpluses in the company rations evaporated. I had to cut down on rice, and enjoyed my Titars or fish with tandoori rotis in the evenings. By the way, my jonga always had its front mirror down, with my .22 next to me and my 8 feet fishing net with my radio operator behind, ready for action anytime. Good old days they were.

Thanks to the villagers and thanks to my cooks, the whole exercise was fun. My boys suddenly were full of josh once again, as we were just kept waiting and waiting for the war to break but it never did. In the evenings we all used to sit down near the langar, sing songs, dance, have a tot and enjoy the tandoori rotis. In fact we had to keep a rescue team ready on issue days as one odd chap used to fall into the canal, trying to balance himself on the makeshift bridge we had made to cross over towards the langar. If one fell, it meant that we were in high spirits and ready to bash on regardless. The water dispute of the villagers got resolved and that year they had a bumper crop of KAPAS, by just a simple solution, a bit of motivation and involvement of the people. Then why can’t this seasonal river called Cauvery and the people who are affected by its waters resolve their problems. I think they should, but are they willing to budge from their stands, I wonder!!!!!!!!!!!

JAI HIND

© Noel Ellis

OF BALLOT, PELLET AND BULLET

We in India are very fast to put the blame on the next chap for anything and everything. No one owns up to say yes this is where I went wrong, sorry, will not be repeated, take the punishment for it and finish the matter off. Well, India is a vast and democratic country, NO unity, only diversity, only race, only cast, only creed, only religion, only state, who cares for the tri-colour. So where is real India? Is it hiding in the ballot box, to be manipulated by the pellets and controlled by the bullet? This is what I think needs to be discussed. The ballot today is biased, the pellet today is damaging and the bullet if used today is alienating the public. So how do we address all these issues for India to continue on its path of progress?

In Karnataka everything which was Tamil or appeared to be Tamil was being destroyed. Poor buses, unsuspecting trucks and other small-small innocent looking vehicles were burnt to cinders for no fault of theirs. No one came to their rescue, the police was missing and so was the politician, the only witnesses were the hapless news reporters who could do nothing but report continuously on the deteriorating condition and plight of these non living organisms while they were being put to “Supurde-Khak”. What nonsense was that, the state which is crying for water was wasting water in millions of liters to douse fires. It was a shame to hear the elected personalities blaming it on the local sentiments. What did you gain by doing looting and arson, in your own state? I wish Karnataka forces had gone to war with the Tamil forces and brought back the water which the Supreme Court has ordered to be released in every container, mug, glass and bucket they could have laid hands on. Or else, buy all the mineral water that is available in Tamil Nadu to replenish Karnataka’s drinking water and use the river water for irrigation instead. It is shameful to see our learned countrymen, in a city famous for its brains, deciding not to use the upper storey to maintain peace and calm, to resolve issues amicably. Let me ask the custodians of law, what have they achieved by this, nothing is the answer. You politicians should be in the clink for inciting such violence, irrespective of the side which started it and irrespective of the party you belong to.

Now I must drift towards the pellets. Why were pellets not used here against all those who were doing goondagardi, hooliganism, loot and arson? Why no action was was taken against the inciters in the first place. Why were the taporis not handcuffed and paraded on the streets straight away for all to see that these are the hired goons of the local politicians. It would have set an example for all those who destroy Indian property. Why weren’t they treated in the same manner as you treat the Kashmiris in J&K? Why adequate amount of security was not mobilized to keep such mobs under surveillance, control and check? Where was the damn Karnataka Police? Why hasn’t the police chief been sacked till now? Why haven’t the MLAs been suspended for venting their sentiments through their representatives? Why isn’t the DC, SP of the areas been cashiered for allowing such a thing to happen? Anyone any answers. Or, Is this what is left of the Indian democracy? Well if this is democracy then it is time to change this democracy, tomorrow Punjab will stop the flow of water in Indira Gandhi canal and Rajasthan will be left high and dry as it used to be. Wake up!

Who brought the pellet guns for the CAPFs, was it the politicians, or was it the situation, or was it to tide over a situation the politician put pressure on the heads of the CAPFs to suggest riot control measures. With provisions in the bill to buy better and more effective stuff in the future. Delegations would have gone to all riot affected countries, meetings, seminars, case studies, basically temporary duties at the cost of the tax payers’ money. Now with issues with the pellet guns coming up in the valley, another set of officers would be going around the globe to find pepper sprays. Home ministry officials would lure the mantra ji saying boss the hospitality of “THL” country is very good that too with a wink, let us all go, have a ball, submit our tour report, recommend weapon “PepSpr-47” for induction in the valley. Mantra ji, you pass the bill in the parliament, by the time executive orders will be given, the item will be obsolete. Another fact finding mission will leave for the next trail as the governments will change. We will keep reinventing the wheel all over again, but we will not find a political solution to the issue for sure.

Now let me address the part last part called the bullet. Have we reached a stage where the ballot and the pellet fail always and every time? Has the state administrative machinery been rendered defunct? Has the internal security now become the primary aim of the armed forces today? Have the mantris and the babus proved themselves to be useless in each and every situation which has erupted in Haryana, Kashmir Karnataka or Tamil Nadu? Is this democracy? Is this the rule of law? Is this going to be the trend of the future? When it comes to the pay commissions & OROP, the armed forces are given a boot up their back sides, and when it comes to re-establishing peace and calm, the armed forces are again given a boot as they have no choice but to get the task done. The babu’s chuckle and the mantris give a sly grin. They stand on the side and watch the tamasha. The inciters become the audience, and the one who has his hands full in everything to keep the integrity of this country gets embroiled into a situation, started by the ballot, failed by the pellet and the forces pushed to use the bullet and earn a bad name. The mantri and babu get a pay increase for what they have not done. Isn’t it unfair, and unjustified?

Well ladies and Gentlemen, we live in a country where the power of the ballot is supreme, the people who use the pellets are slaves of kinds of the people who are our representatives, and the person who has to use the bullet, which he should use against the nation’s enemy is at the receiving end though he deserves much more. So my dear politicians, either you mend your ways, or you amend the constitution, but don’t make a mockery of this country that for a few thousand liters of water, a million liter of water is wasted to douse a fire, and millions of rupees worth of property is destroyed right in front of your eyes. Who has suffered in the bargain, is the common man, who has to commute by these busses to his work place every day. The truck driver, who would have a loan to repay and was penalized for delivering goods to your state or was just transiting by; sufferer, is the common man who unfortunately hired a Tamil Nadu registered truck, to shift his luggage from West Bengal to Kerala where he stands posted. You damn politicians, is this your sense of democracy?  Stop raping democracy every day forthwith. Hope some good sense prevails, hope we as Indians unite and select good people to represent us and not these goons who have no idea of the suffering of a common man. Will my idea work, I wonder!!!!!!!!!!!!

JAI HIND

© Noel Ellis

ME LORD & ME LADY

 

I was watching news yesterday and found a person called Shahabuddin released on bail after 11 years in the clink. Well it appeared to me as if it was President Obama’s entourage was visiting Bihar or was it Tihar, but definitely seemed like a VVIP movement. I am not going to get embroiled as to whom did he murder or rape or for that matter how much did he allegedly extort, but what catches my attention was his fan following or is it his goons following. Well, I am amazed that in this country a criminal coming out on bail is news, an actor coming out on parole is news. I speak with not much knowledge on the subject, but I speak of what I perceive this subject to be.

Let me start by a tender notice being issued by a government organization to buy glue, or duct tape of 3.274 cms x4.19 cms of xyz quantity. My issue is what this has got to do with President of India. Is the requirement legal? As if President is going to use all that glue to bind the country together and the duct tape to gag the politicians who speak too much. Yes, tenders are floated on behalf of President of India, I am sure a lot of paperwork must be going through to inform the President about it, as if he is interested and he cares. Imagine, our country still continues to follow age old traditions like these as if tenders were invited on behalf of Viceroy of India. In fact half the private aircrafts still carry the numbers such as VT-349, where VT stands for Viceroys territory. WTF! Will somebody change these? I shall allow the President to remove the gags when amendment to this bill is passed in parliament by voice vote.

See, I drifted again. Well, I started off with a criminal out on bail. The courts would have gone through a process, lower court, high court then Supreme Court pronouncing judgments, but where is the justice? Does it take 11 years to prove what this fellow did or didn’t do? I must use the word honourable courts before I am sued for disrespect of law. The judge, honourable judge decided to give him the liberty to go on bail and start his goonda raj once again as it is evident. Why, is my question? Why cannot a case be time bound? What should the justice seekers suffer for so long just to hear that this man is out on bail to conspire to restart his nefarious activities again, that too on a bond of 50000 rupees or whatever the amount would have been fixed by the courts?  I know Kanoon andha hota hai, but goonga aur behra bhi hota hai, or if I may put it that the law of our land is specially abled. “VIKLANG” is a derogatory word I suppose to be used for the “kanoon ke rakhwales”. “Slaves of the law books” is a better term I think.

I have my reasons to be so crude and unjustified in my thoughts. The reason is simply delay, delay and more delay. Crores of cases are pending, how can so few judges dispose so many cases. Well Me Lord and Me ladies, you all know that we have a community of lawyers, who are waiting at the gates of the courts like vultures looking for Mugras and Bali ka bakras like me, to run their own kitchens. If you go for a notary to the courts today, besides the value of stamp paper and the typing fee and the babu. I love to watch the babu sitting on a dilapidated bench, with a typewriter, thank god for the invention of computers. Have you ever seen a keyboard of the typist in the court, it is glistening and is clean as a slate because all the alphabets and figures have been beaten so badly that they no longer appear. I will give the PITMANs prize, if you can sequentially name the keys. You look at the Enter key, poor thing takes the maximum beating, depending on the mood of the typist and his urgency to finish his job. The space bar appears to have moved into space, the shift key keeps shifting, Oh my! I love these typists, they are fast, very fast and dare I say they make a mistake. Hats off to all of them! Every language has a specialist, it could be in English or any vernacular language, and his /her speed will be faster than a jet, breaking the sound barrier every time on hitting the key called ENTER. In fact all courts function only because of them; if they don’t type you don’t get a judgment.

You name an issue, from divorce, to theft, to succession; he will produce a template and modify it so fast that Adnan Sami will accept defeat as I believe he is the fastest key board player. One more thing my lawyer friends keep telling me is to produce a damn thing called affidavit, that too on a stamp paper of a particular denomination. From change of name to a gas connection, name it and it needs a stamp paper. Telgi saab lagaoed lot of tel to everyone, and left the lawyers to lagao choona to us. Why are these needed? Why can’t things be done away with? It is food for thought friends.

I don’t understand this game of law, a thief caught red handed is arrested by police, an FIR is filed (if it is filed), police eat from both sides, then produce him in front of a magistrate, who hears his case. The thief is given a fair trial, and given a lawyer if needed, who twists the whole issue as if the complainant invited the thief home, and while leaving gifted him with what he is accused of stealing. The thief pleads not guilty, he is sent to judicial remand, in the mean while the police haunt all and sundry in the neighborhood of the crime scene that even the street dogs refuse to leave their mark on the tires of the police gypsy fearing that they might be arrested. The trail continues, verdict is given, the criminal goes to jail, by then he tells the lawyer, that your fees shall be doubled, who goes to the next court and applies for bail, the convict, moves freely, does what he is good at doing, not himself but indirectly, keeps paying the lawyer, who keeps getting “tareekh par tareekh”, and this fellow who now is a celebrity of sorts destroys what is left of the person who reported the theft. The thief is found guilty by the next court, sent to jail again, but the case is reopened and re-appealed, now by a well known lawyer who is member of a political party and transforms the case back, in the mean time the wife of the victim passes away, his cat commits suicide, his car gets sold off paying the lawyer’s fees, and at the end of the trail, the thief goes scot free as it is proved that he had no malafide intentions of stealing. All this takes 30 years, the thief in this duration, got married, had children, one becomes an engineer and one goes abroad for MBA. At the end of it the chap who lost his stuff says, “hamme apni judiciary mein poora bharosa hai”, poor chap dies at the age of 75 suffering a massive heart attack, on seeing the thief’s Mercedes driving into his lane. Have I written a film story or what?

Well ladies and gentlemen; I come from a breed called soldiers. Justice used to be delivered on the spot. A militant spotted, meant that he would be in a coffin by the end of the day. A jawan with a personal problem and needs to attend something at home will proceed on leave with the fastest means. Decisions were taken instantly, justice was done fairly and squarely, right there, while under fire in adverse weather conditions and situations. But, Me Lords and Me ladies, can you process things within reasonable time frame or are you going to remain slaves of the colonial system. I wonder!!!!!!!!!!!!

ME LORD & ME LADY

I was watching news yesterday and found a person called Shahabuddin released on bail after 11 years in the clink. Well it appeared to me as if it was President Obama’s entourage was visiting Bihar or was it Tihar, but definitely seemed like a VVIP movement. I am not going to get embroiled as to whom did he murder or rape or for that matter how much did he allegedly extort, but what catches my attention was his fan following or is it his goons following. Well, I am amazed that in this country a criminal coming out on bail is news, an actor coming out on parole is news. I speak with not much knowledge on the subject, but I speak of what I perceive this subject to be.

Let me start by a tender notice being issued by a government organization to buy glue, or duct tape of 3.274 cms x 4.19cms of xyz quantity. My issue is what this has got to do with President of India. Is the requirement legal? As if President is going to use all that glue to bind the country together and the duct tape to gag the politicians who speak too much. Yes, tenders are floated on behalf of President of India, I am sure a lot of paperwork must be going through to inform the President about it, as if he is interested and he cares. Imagine, our country still continues to follow age old traditions like these as if tenders were invited on behalf of Viceroy of India. In fact half the private aircrafts still carry the numbers such as VT-349, where VT stands for Viceroys territory. WTF! Will somebody change these? I shall allow the President to remove the gags when amendment to this bill is passed in parliament by voice vote.

See, I drifted again. Well, I started off with a criminal out on bail. The courts would have gone through a process, lower court, high court then Supreme Court pronouncing judgments, but where is the justice? Does it take 11 years to prove what this fellow did or didn’t do? I must use the word honourable courts before I am sued for disrespect of law. The judge, honourable judge decided to give him the liberty to go on bail and start his goonda raj once again as it is evident. Why, is my question? Why cannot a case be time bound? Why should the justice seekers suffer for so long just to hear that this man is out on bail to conspire to restart his nefarious activities again, that too on a bond of 50000 rupees or whatever the amount fixed by the courts?  I know Kanoon andha hota hai, but goonga aur behra bhi hota hai, or if I may put it that the law of our land is specially abled. “VIKLANG” is a derogatory word I suppose to be used for the “kanoon ke rakhwales”. “Slaves of the law books” is a better term I think.

I have my reasons to be so crude and unjustified in my thoughts. The reason is simply delay, delay and more delay. Crores of cases are pending, how can so few judges dispose so many cases. Well Me Lord and Me ladies, you all know that we have a community of lawyers, who are waiting at the gates of the courts like vultures looking for Mugras and Bali ka bakras like me, to run their own kitchens. If you go for a notary to the courts today, besides the value of stamp paper and the typing fee, is the babu. I love to watch the babu sitting on a dilapidated bench, with a typewriter, thank god for the invention of computers. Have you ever seen a keyboard of the typist in the court, it is glistening and is clean as a slate because all the alphabets and figures have been beaten so badly that they no longer appear. I will give the PITMANs prize, if you can sequentially name the keys. You look at the Enter key, poor thing takes the maximum beating, depending on the mood of the typist and his urgency to finish his job. The space bar appears to have moved into space, the shift key keeps shifting, Oh my! I love these typists, they are fast, very fast and dare I say they make a mistake. Hats off to all of them! Every language has a specialist, it could be in English or any vernacular language, and his /her speed will be faster than a jet, breaking the sound barrier every time on hitting the key called ENTER. In fact all courts function only because of them; if they don’t type you don’t get a judgment.

You name an issue, from divorce, to theft, to succession; he will produce a template and modify it so fast that Adnan Sami will accept defeat as I believe he is the fastest key board player. One more thing my lawyer friends keep telling me is to produce a damn thing called affidavit, that too on a stamp paper of a particular denomination. From change of name to a gas connection, name it and it needs a stamp paper. Telgi saab lagaoed lot of tel to everyone, and left the lawyers to lagao choona to us. Why are these needed? Why can’t things be done away with? It is food for thought friends.

I don’t understand this game of law, a thief caught red handed is arrested by police, an FIR is filed (if it is filed), police eat from both sides, then produce him in front of a magistrate, who hears his case. The thief is given a fair trial, and given a lawyer if needed, who twists the whole issue as if the complainant invited the thief home, and while leaving gifted him with what he is accused of stealing. The thief pleads not guilty, he is sent to judicial remand, in the mean while the police haunt all and sundry in the neighborhood of the crime scene that even the street dogs refuse to leave their mark on the tires of the police gypsy fearing that they might be arrested. The trail continues, verdict is given, the criminal goes to jail, by then he tells the lawyer, that your fees shall be doubled, who goes to the next court and applies for bail, the convict, moves freely, does what he is good at doing, not himself but indirectly, keeps paying the lawyer, who keeps getting “tareekh par tareekh”, and this fellow who now is a celebrity of sorts destroys what is left of the person who reported the theft. The thief is found guilty by the next court, sent to jail again, but the case is reopened and re-appealed, now by a well known lawyer who is member of a political party and transforms the case back, in the mean time the wife of the victim passes away, his cat commits suicide, his car gets sold off paying the lawyer’s fees, and at the end of the trail, the thief goes scot free as it is proved that he had no malafide intentions of stealing. All this takes 30 years, the thief in this duration, got married, had children, one becomes an engineer and one goes abroad for MBA. At the end of it the chap who lost his stuff says, “hamme apni judiciary mein poora bharosa hai”, poor chap dies at the age of 75 suffering a massive heart attack, on seeing the thief’s Mercedes driving into his lane. Have I written a film story or what?

Well ladies and gentlemen; I come from a breed called soldiers. Justice used to be delivered on the spot. A militant spotted, meant that he would be in a coffin by the end of the day. A jawan with a personal problem and needs to attend something at home will proceed on leave with the fastest means. Decisions were taken instantly, justice was done fairly and squarely, right there, while under fire in adverse weather conditions and situations. But, Me Lords and Me ladies, can you process things within reasonable time frame or are you going to remain slaves of the colonial system. I wonder!!!!!!!!!!!!

JAI HIND

© Noel Ellis

OF BIRYANIS AND BURKINIS

Well ladies and gentlemen, I invite you to a get together for biryani wearing burkinis, while carrying water from Karnataka, holding our ration cards for identification made in Delhi, avoiding lifts used by Tarun Tejpal and his ilk, giving way to all minorities, using parliamentary language, without consulting our Whats app for updates, with seating arrangements made on charpoys stolen from UP, to discuss Burhan wanis killing and the state of affairs of J&K, without mentioning the Punjab drug menace, while retaining our sense of humour by tweeting to the PM about the bribe being taken by all and sundry, catering for the delays due to pot holes on roads, adding time for diversions due to traffic jams and the stink raised by garbage dumps on our way to find a solution to govern India with special focus on Pakistan,  after the pending judicial cases are resolved, keeping China’s and American role in UN in mind, to bring to trial the French commandos who killed a keralite, after the ban of liquor in Kerala followed by Bihar, which the Patel agitation supports, while the AAP has declared to ban meat and liquor in the holy city of Amritsar when they come to power, failing which our meeting over a daawat of biryani might get cancelled.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, aren’t you fed up already reading the first paragraph. This is exactly what is happening in our country, where the left hand doesn’t know what the right hand is doing. The states don’t want any interference from the centre, and the centre is trying to take everyone aboard to push their decisions, while missing out on what we need to focus on actually. Everyone has his own selfish agenda, leave alone the politicians, even I have my own agenda to cater for, and so have you. Every where it is I, me, myself, take it individually, collectively as a community, as a state or a society. It is “I” who is always right, baki gaye tel lene.

Let me just ask you and especially our vegetarian friends, what comes to your mind when you hear the word biryani. It is rice cooked with meat, isn’t it, it never was rice cooked with vegetables. It was later modified to mixing the rice with vegetables and calling it as pullav. Now, what type of meat is used for it, your guess is as good as mine. It was basically goat/lamb meat. Later, a variation of putting vegetables was brought about in it, then why not a variation for the type of meat being added to it, thus came in the chicken biryani. Further, another variation was introduced with B**F. It is cheap, it is tasty, it is filling, and a poor man’s source of nutrition. Cow has been banned since ages, so what is available today is of buffalo meat, so why is such a hullabaloo about it. Try banning it in Kerala, North East etc where Hindus prefer to relish delicacy’s made out of this stuff. Anyways, much has been written about it, so no point rubbing it beyond a point. Gau Hamari mata hai aur rahegi, Period!

But, I have an issue with mata ji roaming free on roads, mataji eating plastic, mataji sitting near garbage dumps, mataji relaxing in the centre of roads, mataji being tortured by street dogs, mataji being serviced by pita ji in the main market, and causing many cars and bikes to be sent to workshops. Mata ji starving and being ill treated in gaushalas. Mataji being sent to fend for herself bruised and battered, with no veterinary care for her infections and wounds. Many a mata ji are violent, so are the pita jis. I hate to say it but the cow vigilante brigade are  not doing their jobs the way they should, but are busy harassing those who used to clear carcasses for the skins. I remember as a child, there used to be places which used to stink like hell, at the end of the villages mostly, where these people used to sit and shear the hides off animals. A pack of vultures used to be hanging around, waiting for their turn to devour the remains. I also remember there used to be stinky factories on the outskirts of towns making glue out of bones called “SARESH”, which was used while doing white wash in houses. All those have evaporated in thin air. The leather industry has taken a hit, even the famous kohlapuri chappals, made of pure cow leather, are finding it difficult to make two ends meet. Sad but true.

Well ladies and gentlemen, imagine there is a country which is banning Burkinis, due to security, safety and hygienic reasons, and here we are fighting for biryani and beef. We are a country which is launching rocket after rocket with satellites aboard, but we cannot sort out our interstate water disputes. We talk about running the “Talgo” train, but can’t keep our railway stations clean. We talk of a booming economy and gareebi hatao, but are embroiled in petty issues of reservations. We talk of foreign investment of thousands of crores, but can’t treat our man on the street who picks our garbage and cleans our street with adequate dignity. We talk of preservation of our eco system for the future generations, but immerse idols made of plaster of paris into all sorts of water bodies. Well, many of us don’t think twice before chucking a polythene bag filled with filth into a river or a pond. Please run your imagination of what can comprise of filth in this polythene I mention. India needs to wake up and wake up now.

We can’t feed our poor, we can’t clothe our poor, we can’t save our people from floods, and we can’t share our water. Then what can we do. Imagine, during a cordon and search operation, when your buddy sees you taking a swig of water from your water bottle and looks at you, you just hand the bottle over to him, as you know he has taken a bullet and is bleeding. The chopper will come after the break of dawn, till then you got to keep this man alive. You don’t care if you go thirsty that night. I am talking of that kind of camaraderie amongst us dear friends. We carry our comrades in turns, even at the peril of our lives but never leave him in enemy hands. This is how we see life. We in the forces care and we share everything. We keep our cantonments clean and green. We put in a lot of effort for that without hiring people from outside. We assume that we belong to that place knowing full well we shall be transferred tomorrow. The next chap who gets posted in carries on with the legacy. That’s how it should be. Isn’t it?

I don’t expect everyone to start changing overnight, but can we do those small little things, like for example just pick up the carry bag, which a dog or cat would have pulled out of a garbage can and put it back and close the lid. Can we carry the cover of our ice cream cone home, and dispose it off in our waste basket? Rather than chucking it on the road. Can we eat our MUFALI in the train, and put the peels into another poly bag, also can we stop rubbing the mufali kernels to remove the pink skin and then blow it into the neighbours face and dirtying the floor. Can we tell our children to eat their kurkure and save the poly pack for the next stop? Rather than making them food for our gau mataji, who may munch it all right, then suffer due to severe stomach ailments and die on the road. May we become broadminded enough to let the people who make a living out of dead animal carcasses to do their job, can we please enjoy our biryani in peace. Can we just do small things we were taught in moral science in schools? So friends, are you coming for the daawat? I wonder!!!!!!!!!!!!

JAI HIND

© Noel Ellis

THE BOILING KASHMIR CAULDRON

Kashmir is still on the boil, and it appears to me that it will remain in this state for quite a long time. This shall continue till the time one keeps adding fuel to the fire, though its intensity will depend on the amount of fuel being fed from time to time. The churn shall continue till the time there is water/milk in the pot, or shall I say as the volume of the liquid keeps reducing in the pot till it hits the bottom or the whole water/milk evaporates. The boil shall continue if more water is added to the pot. This liquid can also douse the fire if it spills over. It may cause blisters to all those who do not approach it with caution. Over a period of time, items that are in the pot will get hardened that they will no more be edible or usable. We have seen that as the milk boils and reduces, the cream gets separated, then the milk keeps getting reduced to a tasty, thick and attractive mix, but if one continues to keep it on the fire unattended, it gets charred so badly, that even the bai refuses to wash it. All the Nirma, Pril or Wheel with 1000 nimbu mix can’t remove those “ziddi” stains thereafter.

It has been proved beyond doubt that fuel is being added by Pakistan, the security forces are trying to control the boil, in the bargain getting blisters and burnt themselves, the kashmiri separatists who are in the pot are getting overcooked and soon will be no good to man or beast. Even Pakistan will refuse to accept them. But Pakistan wants our pot along with our milk. They can forget it!

The Government of J&K, Government of India and the world can control the external conditions what I refer as fuel being added by Pakistan. Water is being added by home grown militants to keep the turmoil on. We are standing at a distance around the fire, very concerned, but as mute spectators for a miracle to happen for things to calm down and return to normal. The pot has to be removed from the fire now by us, before the pot gets burnt along with its ingredients.

In every society and family there are certain BUZURGs (wise men/women), who have solutions for everything and anything. They will give all sorts of advice even without asking, and there are some who will gather together miles away and show concern about this boiling pot and also suggest irrelevant things, without actually understanding the real issue or even going near the problem. This is what is happening as people are trying to resolve the Kashmir problem sitting on news channel debates, and discussions in parliament. They, I feel are the most dangerous breed of buzurg’s.

Then there are some oldies who may try to put a pacifier in a burnt child’s mouth to temporarily keep him quiet. This is what the delegations which are going and trying to show their concern. Though, they don’t have a clue of what is happening on ground. Then there are some errand boys, I will call them the news reporters, who enter the pot and report all sorts of nonsense. These are people like Barkha Dutt, who go to hospitals and meet “burnt” soldiers and “pelleted” locals, and ask them as to how they are you feeling after getting hit by pellets or stones. Trying to show pseudo balanced coverage of the issue I would say. Ridiculous questions like, what were your dreams before losing your eyesight? Isn’t it a pity for such mature people to stoop to such levels? I feel ashamed that we allow them to be shown.

Then there are those “quacks” like our very senior ministers, who will give solutions like changing the pellet guns with chilly sprays. It is like changing the syrup of stomach ache from one brand to the other which may be a multipurpose syrup, so that along with a stomach ache, headache and pain in the wrong place may also get cured. This the “Head quack” suggests after consultation with national quacks association which are the so called heads of security agencies and a few parliamentarians. What nonsense? They will time and again visit the boiling cauldron, check for the fuel temperature, check for the water temperature, check for the strength of the pot, check the quality of fuel being fed, check for the safety of people standing around, but never check what actually is happening in the pot and why. They are typical NEEM HAKEEMS KHATRAAE JAAN.

The local administration and government has no immediate MARHAM PATTI. They want time to address it as they have just taken over charge of the state and the country very recently. The stalwarts who ran previous governments are mounting pressure to stop the fire and the boil with immediate effect, knowing full well that they were the ones who ignited this fire and put the cauldron to boil. Now, the Kashmiris who are boiling have got so used to this suspended state that they don’t care whether the temperature is high or low, in fact they want to just bubble and move up and down gathering all solid particles inside the pot along with them. They are burnt, hurt, and know they can’t leave the pot unless an external agency makes a hole in it, which the people standing outside will not allow. They continue to remain in a boiling state knowing full well that they shall perish sooner or later if they continue in this precarious state unless they themselves decide to cool down. Let good sense prevail.

We as a society are professional RUDALIs. Everyone knows how and when to beat our chests and cry with crocodile tears for the sake of saving Kashmir. Well, ladies and gentlemen, Kashmir is our child that has fallen into this boiling cauldron. It is we who need to get them out before it is too late. A pacifier in the mouth to keep ones mouth shut won’t work. We have to heal their wounds; we have to nurse and nurture them. In case required give some shock treatment if necessary. Above all we need to eliminate those people who are adding both fuel to the fire and water to the pot. The world should now assist us to stop this rogue state called Pakistan to refrain from its nefarious activities by imposing sanctions & isolating it. If Pakistan refuses to let go, let us also raise their costs by setting their pot of Balochistan on fire. Above all, once the Kashmiris understand that their ZID for Azadi or the anti India stance will lead them nowhere, then peace shall prevail. The guns firing pellets, chilies or water cannons will automatically withdraw. Paradise lost will be paradise regained.

Have the government of India and Government of J&K diagnosed the correct ailment? I am sure they have. Are they ready to prescribe the correct “NOOSKA” for Kashmir? My answer is affirmative. Has the world identified the inciter of this flame and the one who is adding fuel to the fire? My answer is yes again. But collectively, when our government and world act against the real mischief maker called Pakistan, I wonder!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JAI HIND

© Noel Ellis

AAP KA PAAP

It appears to me that to get famous these days going the Ms Leone way is the answer. I believe, she has decided to change tracks and switch to mainstream cinema from the specialized movies she is famous for. This has inspired many in India to start from where she left. The case in point is our dear AAP MLA (Minister for Women and Child Development). He has gone out of his way to develop many women through his childish acts. His pictures in various compromising positions spread like wild fire on the net. Well if my facts are correct these are six year old photos, which Sandeep sahib did not realize, that his private moments are on camera and will be used against him at the appropriate time, that too with many partners. Though, I do not advocate what he did is right, but one thing is sure that the poor ladies with him would now be ridiculed throughout their lives. The minister, as he claims it to be a political “SAAZISH”, will hide behind the legal wall and continue doing whatever he was doing like hither to fore. God forbid, if he has been in a habit of shattering lives of other innocent girls. In any case these girls do not appear to be innocent, as the act they are indulging in with such broad smiles is far-far away from being anything close to innocent.

News channels as usual will now have two agendas, one to expose AAP ka PAAP, and second to become the judge, jury and shall pronounce the sentence in this case. They will keenly monitor all your party men and keep them under the lenses eye. Please don’t be surprised if more skeletons come tumbling out of the closet. Be prepared for more shocks dear AAP people. You have ministers in the clink for fraud degrees, now sex scandals etc; time is not very far when more dirt may be shown light of the day. Media is going to haunt you and your party for sure and rightly so, it is their duty. You all should gear up as “the nation would want to know” what else are you and your party members up to in Delhi. In this media trail, Delhi should not suffer, as it is the rains are creating havoc there.

Kejriwal sahib you went to the extent of saying that if need be we shall shut down the party.  I think the day is not very far when you might have to do it sir, as the feedback and frustration I see on the faces and moods of people of Delhi, it should be curtains drawn for you in the next elections. Let me not predict anything; let your work speak for you and I wish you guys luck. I am not a political man; I like to stay away from all kinds of politics as I understand none of it. Unfortunately, I have a lot of friends from the forces and the civil who genuinely want to do good for this country, and have joined your party, but with a personality like yours, at least I am going to abstain from even looking at your party symbol for times to come. You are not my cuppa tea for sure.

Now shall start your Modi bashing, Najib bashing, Sheila bashing, to get out of this mess for a little while so that you get a breather. Just tell me; how you can blame these people for acts your MLA did six years back. Modi saab was CM Gujrat, Najib was where he was, and Shiela was in your place. The time and place for Sandeep to do his leela is for you to find out. In any case, suspension from the cabinet is a mere gesture of showing your dissent or outrage in this matter, he still holds the seat of an elected member of Delhi Vidhan Sabha. You can’t take those privileges from him. You can’t withdraw his official gari, bangla, pay, perks and privileges from him. Why can’t he be suspended for immoral conduct straight away, with all pay and pension stopped for life. Why shouldn’t he be paraded in his constituency for the offence he has committed? I am sure this man will go to court, and knowing well that the judiciaries hands are full, by the time this person is convicted and tried, the cows would come home. Maybe, you may be in power in Punjab & Goa by then and lost in Delhi, and he would have again stood as an independent candidate and won for the second time, even if he was thrown out by your party.

Well, these days I start to drift towards the conjecturing mode. One thought leads to the other, I started off with Sunny and landed up with Punjab elections, and down the line I commented on the media, the judiciary and many others. The issue remains the expose of the intimate pics and videos of our member of the AAP. Well to counter it, there are parliamentarians who were caught watching porn. Most of them sleep while issues which need national attention are discussed. Sandeep was doing all this in his bedroom privately, and I hope with mutual consent. So how does it matter to anyone? Why such hullabaloo about it?

For a common man like me, I perceive politicians to be scamsters, goondas, and some kind of people who only know how to do hanky-panky. I can’t trust them, I can’t vouch for them, and I just want to avoid them. If I put it simply, I can’t stand them. They say something, mean something, do something, blame something and someone else, and escape every time. The person who bears the brunt is me the mango man. I was deprived of my family life for many years defending the motherland during kargil operations, and thereafter because of the attack on parliament for such people who could not decide and give us orders to set the record straight with Pakistan once for all. Unfortunately I elected them.

Well, my interest level in the pics was for a few seconds, more so to try and understand who this man was rather than who the woman was, because I did not know that such a person existed in the AAP government. Mr “Glad eyes” Sandeep Kumar, hope you are married and have kids, and you have to answer them more, than the people who elected you. Your family life will be shattered for sure, as you have a lot to clarify in “your parliament at home” dear sir, so what are your plans, do let us know.

The social media is abuzz with jokes and all sorts of muck about “honorable” Mr Sandeep. They shall reach you and your party headquarters by and by. I have a suggestion for you sir, just stand up, be a man and apologize to the nation, party, your family and the girls. Beg pardon for what you had done in your exuberance. I feel that when you did this, you never had thought of being a representative of people one day. I am sure the countrymen have a big heart and may forgive you. We Indians carry an image of our parliamentarians, to be the dhoti clad, white topi wala, cleaner than rin ki safai wala person to be in your place. We do not realize that the world has moved on, and you represent the face of the modern times and modern India. This will not be acceptable to anyone especially the custodians of “Indian culture brigade”, so just stand up with folded hands and plead guilty and say sorry, the matter may be buried once for all, I hope. Do you have the guts to be forthright enough and take a box in your jaw for your raunchy adventures, I wonder!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JAI HIND

© Noel Ellis

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