Noel Ellis's Official Blog

I wield the pen to explore the vastness of the human mind



Munni badnaam hui for her darling, Sheila shot to fame for her jawani and now this “Chappal Dhari” (shoe wielding) MP has earned a name for introducing a new weapon. Going by my hunch he may not surface till the time he finishes his MPs tenure. I am not worried where he is hiding but I am worried about my tax going in to feed him as his pay during this period of hibernation. I do not know the rules if a MPs pay can be stopped but one thing is sure that this man is taking our whole system for a ride. I would not talk about his intelligence levels and IQ as that was amply demonstrated in his conversations with the media. Today I want to discuss as to why we all are tolerating such nonsense.

Where is the patriotic brigade? Where are the by the people, of the people and for the people crusaders? I as a “people” voted him to be an MP and now he beats “people” who promise him a safe journey in the air. He has the audacity to mistreat those people who look into every facet of his travel.  It was also not surprising that other MPs where crying in his favour in parliament that this is setting a wrong precedence if airlines start banning other MPs too. You people make laws for us then why are laws not applicable to you too? You can’t be a lifelong “ghar jamai” that you will be shielded behind Mom-in-law’s pallu. You can’t hide behind the rule book stating that you have immunity of kinds. I am convinced that this man is sick, irrespective of the party he belongs to. His mentality is questionable. He definitely needs psychiatric treatment. He should render an unconditional apology or else debar him from contesting elections for life. Further, he should visit the airlines and beg that old man’s pardons who he misbehaved with, beside a promise to never repeat it again. Had a brawl occurred, the airline staffer would have been in the clink by now irrespective who was at fault.

This MP should have been given an exclusive seat in the toilet and locked from outside and told that the only business class exclusive seat available is in a little darkness. However there are many switches and gadgets to play around with. In case you feel very uncomfortable just press the flush button a little hard, you too shall be sucked into the holding tank. I am sure an exclusive swimming pool in the aircraft would make you feel that you really are travelling the class you wanted to travel in. Had I been there, I would have taken him to the plane going to the Leh and handed him over to the crew with instructions to off load him there and tell him Sir this is Delhi. Your chauffer driven vehicle would be standing at the exit. He then should have been put in the kerosene truck to be dumped at Khardungla and beyond. All his business etiquettes’ would be revised within the first half an hour. He will never forget that ride as his skin and bones would be soaked in kerosene and smell for months to come.

Issue is how can such people be tolerated? Why should such people be tolerated? How can such people be put in place? How can they be taught a lesson so that no other MP ever dares to do anything of such kind? Why are the law makers out of the ambit of the police, judiciary and law when the need arises? Why can’t courts take notice straight away? Why can’t his pay, perks and privileges be forfeited with immediate effect? Or shall we wait till the courts decide who the actual culprit is. This man will become a hero by dramatising his surrendering under heavy police bandobast with scores of his chela-chapatas creating a scene as if a hero is coming home after winning a battle. Situation will be made purposefully tense. Media will be focussing on every window of every car and every door which opens. Reporters spread all around will pick up every squeak, whine and yell to justify their presence in covering the arrest of a chappal dhari MP. Some channels will go to the extent to find out alternate uses of chappals as a weapon and make mock war rooms with military experts to comment on non lethal weapons with special sounds and visual effects.

It is surprising no one knows where he is, “Use asmaan kha gaya ya dharti nigal gayi” (Has he been eaten by the sky or swallowed by the earth). I am sure he is having a good laugh. Why is the Media not on his tail? The media today is capable of getting a photograph of IPL Modi drying his underwear on a remote island of Bali, why they can’t find Mr Chappal dhari in his hibernation. When one is in trouble, you go underground till the media glare fades away and then suddenly you surface and start doing your normal business like every day? How can the police be oblivious to his whereabouts? What orders are the police waiting for? Can’t cell phones be tracked? Well, one thing is clear; the political class is too powerful and influential to meddle with. They can bake a cake and have it too.

Overall if we see all chaos which is being done today is due to flawed politics. Cheap popularity, Goonda antics, inciting public, communal divides, circumventing law, taking law into your own hands, above all leaving the public to fend for themselves is name of their game.  They just want to score brownie points and keep blaming each other. I do not know when & how this is going to end. I only hope our nations keepers do not slip into slumber or else such menace will spread to each and every corner of this country. We have already seen the moral policing brigade, beef ban brigade and soon we shall see such joota-chappal brigades, stone pelting brigade and many others harming this country slowly but surely like slow poison. Will we wake up fellow countrymen? I wonder!!!!!!!!!!!


© Noel Ellis


You all must be wondering about the title of my article, and rightly so, as I believe a flight from Goa which was about to take off decided to go by road to Mumbai and also another two flights came nose ball to nose ball on a Delhi runway. It must have been fun when the pilots would have lowered their windows and shouted the choicest of abuses at each other. I hope they are not taking lessons from the Indian Air force that is practicing landing on highways. Be that as it may, I actually flew down memory lane and many-many moons back when I was a school and college going kid and travelled frequently between Kapurthala & Jalandhar (Jullunder) as it was called at that time. The only mode of transport was by bus. Aircrafts I had not seen except the Air force planes which used to do their combat exercises or a trail of white lines (condensation trails) emanating from a Dakota packet flying over head. Air travel was for the super rich and we belonged to Dangar (cattle) class.

I remember standing at DC Chowk, we used to wait for busses going to jullunder. We had three categories one was the PEPSU roadways, with a symbol of a Greek character “the flying horse” PEGASUS, believe you me one used to find painted on the driver’s door “pilot” and true to the spirit  of the insignia, those buses really used to take off. The conductor used to shout “RAH DI SAWARI KOI NA HOVE” (we don’t allow passengers who have to get down enroute) and once warmed up, the KILLI (accelerator) only found the floor and one wondered whether the damn thing had brakes. Mid way the pilot would adjust his “Pug” and scratch his beard with no hands on the steering. Even the dogs feared crossing the roads. True to their words, we used to be before time in jullunder, the 54 seater bus never had more than 20 passengers for obvious reasons, more so to live another day.

Then there was this transport service called the PRINCE BUS. Nicely painted, good seats, radio, nice lighting inside those blue, red, orange and green ones. Well dressed conductor and driver, clean floors. We used to be told that this is also a nonstop bus, but it used to stop at zozila stadium, chungi naka, railway crossing, khojewala, uccha pind, neeva pind, teda pind, veenga pind adarsh chowk, phutbaal chowk, doordarshan, nakodar chowk, and three more stops before the bus stand. One used to get fed up adjusting seats and invariably as school had taught us to be gentlemen; we used to go standing in that half an hour’s run.

Then there was our own Punjab Roadways, with a motto, CHALAANGE TAN PAHUNCHANGE (we shall reach if we move). My goodness lord, torn seats, no back rests, doors invariably broken, cracked wind shields of the driver, widow glasses missing for the passengers, MUFLI CHILKAS to pass time like one bursts bubbles of the Amazon delivery packing’s, smell of diesel mixed with fumes. Invariably, the bus won’t self start, the driver will coolly request the passengers to push, well, the crowds were supportive and used to push it and once it started it won’t stop, due to the fear it might stall, so you run and get on the bus. Your seat which you had kept a hanky on gone and so did the kerchief. Now you wonder, did you take the right decision as invariably it would have a damaged silencer thus made a deafening noise. Many a times if you were in a bus behind this one & you would be amazed to see the chassis bent, one always wondered which side the bus is actually going. To top it all it won’t let you overtake it as a matter of prestige and looking at it from behind one was scared to even think of overtaking it. Well those were the good old days.

I am not getting into the technicalities of why the plane wavered off the runway, but it is a matter of concern. I was also shocked to see the planes and its pilots staring at each other on the runway. Well this again reminds of Punjab roadways, where the right of way was always of the bus, right side-wrong side was not the point of discussion, the bus is always right, you move your vehicle off the road and in time to save yourself the wrath of the state transport. Literally, one feared for life seeing a bus. We were basically pedestrians, or on cycles and ultimate used to be on a borrowed scooter. In those days there were jawla horns blaring. If you hear it leave the road, as you never know which side the bus will appear from. You might be expecting it from the front but it might surprise you from the rear too. Today, those ugly horns have been replaced by flashing of head lights in the day on high beam. If I have flashed it, it is my way. I may flash it to warn you to get out of the way. I may flash them to ask you to give me side as you are going too slow as per my standards. Lights flashed means all traffic rules are redundant thereafter. The vikram or the tamtam drivers are the worst, if you don’t budge they will swing their vehicle towards you when they are just short of you and then swing back on track. I have almost had a heart attack many a times, but now am used to their tactics. Traffic sense, traffic discipline, traffic norms are made and broken by me as I decide them to be. If I am in a good mood, I will let all traffic pass, if my wife has had a fight with me, hell can break loose. You can watch out for your own safety for all I care. I own this road. Period!

Well, if that be so for the airlines in India, Gods help us. Thank God I haven’t taken a flight since some time. These days I pay for my water and food during air travel. I hope they let me carry my poori sabji and aam ka achar in the aircraft one day. I also hope they don’t tell me to push start an airplane someday. I heard on a panel discussion that all this is because the IAS babus are not treating the airline safety properly. In fact they were questioning that a babu who has no clue of aviation is made its head and it needs to stop forthwith to improve aviation in the country. So in the same breadth may I say the same for defence too? In Canada the defence minister is a retired Lieutenant Colonel and a war veteran, the sports minister has been a Para-Olympian, the education minister is a doctorate, our PM is a Chaiwala, and down the line, our finance minister is a lawyer, our defence minister is an engineer, I shall not talk about the rest. It is something like the fauj, moment you do a Radio course, instead of making you the signal officer of the unit you are made the quarter master. Comedy of errors everywhere!

Ladies and gentlemen, India is India, no one can beat it, no one can run it, no one can destroy it, no one change it. I am lucky to be born here, it has its wonky ways of functioning, it has its own ways of running and repairing itself, it is unique, it is wonderful, so why can’t we change it to Jet Roadways, and let Punjab Airways handle aviation. Is it possible? I wonder!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


© Noel Ellis

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