Noel Ellis's Official Blog

I wield the pen to explore the vastness of the human mind

Category: BULLET

SIR JEE KAL

 

 

SIR JEE KAL

 

I am dil se Hindustani therefore I think in my mother tongue and write in a foreign language. So please bear with me as at many places I have used Roman Hindi. So here goes……….

I was wondering what would be the scene in a battalion which is going in for a surgical strike and they have to take a couple of news anchors along. I am sure the breaking news would be, “Times Now or Never” is the first channel to conduct surgical strikes. Two news anchors sacrificed their internet services for several hours. Cameras did precision shooting; all enemy has been captured on tape. Commandos were incidental.

CO Sahib Bahadur announcing to the paltan that for today’s strike we shall have Navika and Rahul (names changed for security purposes). Mera dono ankh main aansu hai, ek khushi ka, kyon ki media pahli baar saath main hoga, doosra gum ka kyon ki Navika ko wapas lana parega. One jawan asked why so? The CO replied that he anticipates that Pakis are already fed up with the beating and bullshit they get from their wives. This anchor should be left for the Indian politicians for the same purpose.

Imagine one commando sees ten missed calls from his wife in the commando base. He better call her back before he gets an ultimatum and tell her janu I am alright. I have just come for a stroll in the Pakistani jungles. Can I get you something from Pak? She would worriedly ask hope you have your visa and passport, koi check karega to. Then say yaar kindly go a little ahead to Lahore and get some “Mohammadi ki Nihari”. If nothing else then meri skin ke liye multan se multani mitti hi le ana. Imagine what the commando will do, strike gaya tel lene.

Imagine another Commando who is a pure “pandit”. Abhi meri pooja nahi hui hai I cannot fire before that. It is about first light and is time for the morning namaz. Commando Ramzan opens his compass to find the direction of Mecca and spreads his durrie. By the time he has finished praying the raid party is ex-filtrating.

God save that raid party in which a commando like me is there who is all for vastu and timings as per rahus and ketus. I might drop two uzi rifle magazines and carry a crystal dolphin to make my raid a success. Then attack precisely in the afternoon at mahurat time. God save us then!

I would suggest next time someone please tell the channels minute to minute details of the preparation also as narrated below.

Commando bahut subha utha, fir langar ja ke bed tea piya. Fir jungle pani ke liye gaya, a kar breakfast kiya. Fir CHM do admi langar working ke liye detail kiya to make “sakkarparas” for the operation. Commando Noel Ellis ke ghar se telegram aya “daddy serious”, par us ka chutti cancel tha. Us din poora strike team ko do anda aur ek rum ka peg CO saab ke taraf se diya gaya. CO saab ke darbar main point aya ki pichli baar strike ke baad bara khana nahi huaa. CO sahib ne bataya ki is bar pucca hoga.

CHM ne fir BPET failure ka list bataya. Teen commando jo chutti se aya tha fail paya. Jitna bhi “katagiri” log tha un ko kote duty par lagaya. Admi kam hone se company clerk ko team main shamil kiya. CO saab ne bataya poora team ko saat din ka CL diya jayega ane ke baad. Fir sab ka dress equipment check hua aur Commando Ellis ka mobile aur purse jabt kiya gaya aur sakht warning diya kyon ki “sikoorti” leak ho sakta hai.

Navika madam ke liye special olive green colour ka lipstick aur cammo colour ka face cream indent kiya gaya. Rahul ke FSMO main shaving razor na hone ki wajah se saat din pitto parade ka adesh diya.

My request to these TV fellows who think they have acquired a lot of knowledge of military operations, you better leave things military to the Military. Please stop calling these Pakis and those anti India chaps on your shows. It’s bad for national morale. You can discuss with the politicians whatever you want to but please leave us faujis out of politics.

Be that as it may. The politicians should thank the Forces and stop sermonising about the surgical strikes. Next time let us take a few politicians & anchors to witness it all first hand. That man who went on the nation’s behalf knew that he might not get back alive. He did not sleep many nights but rehearsed as his country’s Izzat was at stake. That soldier did not know it will generate such pathetic news debates. He went to give the enemy a bloody nose and gave it. Forces never say “sir jee kal”, we finish our jobs today. Anchors & politicians stop behaving like enemies within. Will you ever care for our sentiments too? I wonder!!!!!!!!!

JAI HIND

© Noel Ellis

HAPPY BIKING

 

 

 

HAPPY BIKING

This week end was out of the world as I became a proud owner of a new Royal Enfield bike. Bikes were my passion & my first bike stayed with me for 20 years plus. Secondly, the monsoon has started and the weather is lovely. The water falls have come alive with greenery everywhere. Old memories got rekindled. My eyes got moist, as to drive a bike after ages awakened the child in me.

The relation I shared with my first one called “Christine” was sublime. Though, I used to get posted out to field stations where she could not accompany me but on return she used to come to life moment I used to touch her. Half a kick and she used to purr. Even though her battery used to get drained out, her indicators used to be broken but never ever did it stop or trouble me.

In Staff College, Wellington, Christine took me and my wife to every nook and cranny of the Nilgiris. Not a single lake, not a single tea garden and not a single vineyard we missed. Ooty used to be like Kapurthala-Jalandhar. A bottle of chilled beer used to be always handy at home in Gorkha Hills. We used to pick up biryani from Conoor. The Pack-08 (Fauji jhola) was a standard fit on one side and used to be stuffed with a durrie, daru and roti. Piercing through the cloud and fog we used to explore the area like adventurers. Pykara Lake was our favourite haunt besides the famous chocolate shop at Charing Cross in Ooty.

This Friday, keys of the new Thunderbird were handed over to me. The first halt was at the Gas Station and the first command was Bhaiya tank full kar do. She was filled up to the brim. Now I tried locking the petrol tank back, the damn thing just won’t lock. My daughter got a little perturbed as the line behind was increasing and the irritation of the people was showing through the honking.

I pushed the bike to the side and tried to get my helmet off. That damn thing also got stuck as it had a new kind of locking system. Somehow, I was able to open the chin strap after some wrestling and at the last moment my dark glasses got stuck in the strap and flew off. Fauji instinct and reactions caught hold of it. We lumbered and toiled but the fuel tank just won’t close. I told my daughter baitho. She said papa how will we go, I said don’t worry as the duplicate key was also hanging with the main key. I left the fuel tank open and with the fuel cap hanging, shoved the duplicate key in the ignition and started the bike. The thunder and lightning was giving me the shivers lest rain water gets in but we drove on as the show room very was close by. Those people laughed at us as I didn’t know how to remove the key. He just press fitted the fuel tank cap and the damn key got ejected automatically. I looked at my daughter and she looked back at me. We smiled and moved on. I was a novice afterall.

Well we had to pick up the customary mithai. I bought Kaju Katli, Rasgoolas and my favourite “Palang Tor”. Daughter in the meanwhile picked up coupons for gol-gappas. I enjoyed them. I said to hell with it even if the pani of the poori gets stuck in my moustache, so be it.

We started on our home run from Alibaug to Salav. I suddenly realised that the speedometer is not working, now was the dilemma to turn back or continue. I decided the former. Showroom chap was shocked “not again”. They realised that they had disconnected the cable for RTO passing. Then the “Neutral” light won’t glow either. He told me sir, the gear lever needs to be kicked hard and I did and poof the green lamp of “N” showed up on the console. I told him “anymore surprises” tell me now or else I know how and where to kick you too jokingly.

We got back home, did a small photo op. Then for old times’ sake I took my actual girlfriend (my wife) on her first drive on the Thunderbird. It was fun because of the overcast sky. All old memories of our motorcycling adventures as newlyweds came rolling back. She held me tight and we drove off into the wilderness and relived those days. Nostalgia had set in and we shall revive the best days of our lives again.

On father’s day, papa and beti went for a long drive on the beast in heavy rain. I was the happiest as my daughter insisted on buying a helmet for herself. I as a habit wear it even for a 50 meter ride. Will our example be a motivation for the crowd over here to wear a helmet always? I wonder!!!!!!!!

JAI HIND

© Noel Ellis

Powered by WordPress & Theme by Anders Norén