Noel Ellis's Official Blog

I wield the pen to explore the vastness of the human mind

Category: PRICES

PRACTICE MAKES A MAN PERFECT

 “KARAT KARAT ABHIYAAS KE, JARMATI HO SUJAAN

RASRI AVAT JAAT TAYEN, SIR PAR PARAT NISSAN”

                                                                                   ‘KABIR’

Practice makes a man perfect is the idiom which Kabir wrote from all the experiences in life. He further says if a rope keeps going over a stone over a period of time it does leave its mark. The same is happening in case of Rahul Baba. The way he is pushing the scale with gusto is definitely becoming a concern for BJP. To get those seats, woo voters, brainwash the public change their mindset is the mantra for politicians. On the other hand to retain their clientele, PM and his team are blazing all guns and the congress is retaliating.

I find the Chief of the Congress forces addressing rallies these days. He appears to be well rehearsed in recent times. What I am not sure is where the other Generals of his party are. Just because baba has been anointed the head of congress, the rest of them have taken a back seat it appears. Though baba karat karat abhyaas (after a lot of practice) is looking a little sujaan (learned) but unless the full weight of the rope is put on the stone, there would be no nishan (mark) on the targeted stone. BJP has mustered all their bigwigs for this campaign; I don’t see the full force of congress pushing the envelope.

The calibre and the variety of ammunition baba is firing doesn’t meet my eye but he is definitely making a dent in the armour plating of the opposition. The chinks are now visible; call it anti modi, anti BJP, anti GST, anti notebandi, anti traders or whatever. There is definitely a shake up call to the BJP. 150 seats is a lovely figure, at least the tension of the next five years will be over. Then Modi ji can focus on 2019 general elections. Firing abhyaas needs to improve from both sides though.

Let me come to the quality of speeches which I am force fed day in and day out. They are disgusting least I can say. They appear to be extempore depending on the crowd’s mood and sentiment. Speeches appear to be cheap with no substance except rhetoric. The only thing I find is they criticise the other party and involve the crowd by asking leading questions. The crowd says yes and there are squeals and bursts of laughter. It is good entertainment for everyone. Once the rally is over, the rush is to collect the payment, the packet of food, a bottle of water, find your transport and get back home. People don’t even remember who spoke in the rally and why.

I have yet to understand, is it the aura of a political person which attracts the common man to such a rally. Chalo let’s go and at least see Modiji or Rahulji in flesh and blood. How does one find time to leave his business, farms or jobs to go and listen to the political bhashan baazi. We Indians are vellas (free), unemployed and will do anything for a free ride and food, weather notwithstanding.

Rahul has been rubbing Mr Tata and Nano on the wrong side lately. Mr Tata actually must be having a good laugh the way you say that he has manipulated land and electricity and might send you a Nano complimentary. This is where you need to do a lot of abhyaas, to get your facts and figures right in terms of homework. Tata is one family which has nurtured this nation till date, don’t ridicule them. You want to shoot Mr Modi, don’t fire your gun form Mr Tata’s shoulder. To be fair then rope in all the Adani’s, Ambani’s, Goenkas and a host of others with industries there.

Be that as it may, political mudslinging has become the new norm of today, name calling, defaming, misquoting, rekindling hatred towards each other, dragging families and false promises is the way today’s politicians manipulate to get votes and win elections. Look, he has not done this but we will compensate you with that. We will reserve this and that, we shall reduce prices of everything and we will give you double the compensation for your land etc are political gimmicks which our public buys. Money is not going to go out of the politicians pockets. Ultimately you and I are going to pay each paisa as taxes.

Neta’s win elections on our hard earned money with a promise to distribute it to all and sundry with a major chunk to themselves and then they shall sit in the parliament making legislations for me as to how to pay the government back. What rubbish is this? They will promise the moon on a dark night. As a citizen of this country I need to do abhyaas how to get a good system of governance, good politicians and a strong country. Netaji please keep your bhashans with you and stop wasting our time. When will this dawn on the common man to understand that the rope which needs to leave a mark is being slowly cut leaving the common man dangling on it? I wonder!!!!!!!!

JAI HIND

CHAI LASSI AND KHICHIRI WHEN MIXED MAKES GST

I am totally enlightened after a marathon session of changes in the GST announced by the FM yesterday on TV. So far so that even if I don’t like to pay even a pai as tax I have been motivated to pay advance GST till the time this government’s tenure is over. You may ask me why? Well, let me pay it and be done with it. Tomorrow if the council decides to increase the rates I will just have to pay only the difference, in any case if tax rates are lowered I am on the safe side. Thora ziada de bhi diya to koi vanda nahi.

I used to love saying abracadabra, as what will come out of jaitley ki kaitley is never known. The kaitley is symbolic for dishing out chai, isn’t it. Naturally when his boss is an expert on this beverage his FM better dole out the best but I found him making lassi earlier and now it is khichri of kinds.

Actually my mind got all mixed up with this fresh GST announcement. I also found GST being diluted in a way or was it catering for some state elections. The spiced up concoction which was laid for the country turned out to be unpalatable for many. Thus as the lady of the house does on the quiet, once she gets the taste of it she tells the bai thora pani daal do. Two things happen then. The same now can be eaten with ease by more people & many can be satisfied with the quantities given out. The choice is spicy khichri, less spicy khichri or watery khichri. You better eat what is served. Right!

In the same breadth, I have an apprehension that if the govt finds that the tax collection is reducing now, as now government will be collecting Rs 20,000 crores less, so how will this loss be made up. Possibly some khichiri ingredients might be tempered with. Say if you can afford a room of more than Rs 7000 a night clearly indicates one is in the top bracket of pay packets, therefore, the government may tell you to pay additional before you check in. Government will make up its numbers by hook or by crook. I have decided I will find a relative or a friend in case I have to go somewhere, Jaitley ji you can keep spicing up your khichiri, I will find a jugad to circumvent it.

I have also decided not to use after shave. Sir, I shall go back to the good old days to use “Fitkari” after shaving. Perfumes I cannot afford. I shall try not to smell bad so you better provide me AC trains to commute. Reduced taxes on Chewing gum may only reduce bad odour from my mouth.

You will be glad to know that I don’t pay any “sin” tax. I kicked the habit of smoking and drinking long ago. The beauty is that you cannot charge me tax for calling you names. Till date I tried my best, worked hard and sincerely paid my taxes. I could never reach the figure of One crore including assets and property in my name. Business acumen I do not have but the only business I love to do is to love my country. A few lakhs which I have saved for enjoying in future I might as well use up fast or else tomorrow you might levy another tax on me.

I find that what you do is smart jiggrey-poggrey of words. The council you have created is responsible for all that you announce and not the government per se. The centre has 1/3rd votes, rest 2/3rd are with the states. Every state has one vote irrespective of its size. Decisions are made by 3/4th majority. 18 states you already have in your kitty. Life is balle balle for the government. BJP states cannot say no, centre government votes are secure then if you mix water in the khichiri or ghee makes no difference. Even if the Khichri becomes all meshed up due to overcooking that no ingredient is recognisable makes no difference either as there is no way one can avoid it.

My only humble submission to you is sir; I don’t mind you experimenting with the country’s money. However, the common man needs respite from exorbitant prices of everything. He wants to taste this khichri but the poor fellow is not capable to reach the dining table. The government can if it wants to add the best of tarka but why is the government taking back so much tax from us. Besides why are the basic ingredients like dal, chawal, namak, haldi getting out of hand of a common man? I wonder!!!!!!

JAI HIND

IN CONVERSATION WITH CATHERINE

Catherine and I were driving down to Alibaug over the weekend when we struck up a conversation. I was listening to the stereo and my wife was appreciating the music system and the stereo effects. Catherine was not enjoying the drive at all; actually the same was the case with me. Reasons were many. One was the dilapidated condition of the road and the pot holes. Besides, the village dogs accosting us barking at their loudest and snarling with their dirty teeth. Hens along with their chicks thought the road was for them.  Worst of all was the chaotic traffic jams. Above all the weekend crowd who were pouring into our territory by the dozens. They were blocking traffic in garb of purchasing something or asking for directions in these narrow alleys. Quite a frustrating kind of a drive it was all in low gear.

I ignored her and kept my concentration on driving but there were pieces of the conversation which kept striking me again and again as she asked me the first question. Have you paid road tax? I said yes and that to a hefty amount. After a pause she asked me, why are there so many pot holes then? I had no answer. She told me, Noel, please take me out on a long and majestic drive, where the road surface is smooth, maybe on expressways where the thrill of driving can be enjoyed. It appears that here every time we venture out she is worried about checking out how long will the suspension hold and she told me that this way it won’t take long to give away. I just kept quiet and listened.

The next question she asked me that do you pay toll tax? I told her yes and where ever my ID card works I don’t. She said never mind, you have actually paid life time toll tax by serving the Indian Army, so I won’t ask you again, however, she continued to say that where does this toll money  collected  from the other vehicles disappear. I said I don’t know and continued focusing on the oncoming traffic and the huge potholes.

I was wondering to myself, that last year I saw lot of work going on this road. I used to have a smooth ride but where has the road vanished. This must be happening year after year and taxes which were being collected going down the drain. I again started to listen to the stereo and this time I changed the channel of my choice. I got lost in the music and lyrics as we were getting close to our destination.

Catherine was in a chirpy mood and threw another question at me. She said do you pay income tax? I replied in the affirmative. I am sure that some portion of that must also be allocated to the development of infrastructure in this country. I said surely it must be the case, I am not sure of the percentages. She appeared to be questioning the government head on. She continued to quiz me, see why there are so many accidents on the road? I said reckless driving! She said yes, just then two bikes whizzed past overtaking us from the wrong side and missed hitting us by a whisker. The basic reason is that the infrastructure is not being planned as per our expansion of population she said. I could not agree with her more. Her observation was that our population is exploding and so is purchase of vehicles but government is not making better and broader roads. I said yes. After a while she said, it is time for the government to wake up and I just kept mum.

A little ahead Catherine again poked me. I said now what and she said, you pay income tax, professional tax, GST and all the other taxes which the tax man can think of. I replied to her that it appears that you have got hold of a book on finance. She wanted to know where each and every pie went. I actually didn’t know. I looked at the setting sun from out of the window and thought to myself that yes she is right; over these years I couldn’t even hide one paisa of my income and all my taxes go down the drain, without much of accountability and returns.

At last Catherine blurted, I don’t want to be a dented and painted car for no fault of mine. I told her that I shall definitely convey her concerns to the people who matter. I then requested her to just keep quiet for a while as my wife watched the moon rise from the other side. I switched over to John Denver singing “Country Roads, take me home”, on the car stereo.

JAI HIND

GABBAR AMONGST US

I like the way we were introduced to new acronym called GABBAR SINGH TAX (GST). True to the governments decree the situation in the country now is such that the Adhar is the new Udhaar, as banks will not give you a loan without verifying it. Ration cards give us no rations; gas subsidy has become gaseous and evaporated into thin air. Interest on FDs is shrinking by the day. One day I might have to pay the banks for leaving my money idle. Mutual funds are subject to market risks and I am averse to risks; even the kabaddi players are telling us that. For me stock is either chicken stock or vegetable stock. It at least adds to the taste and flavour of the food. However this GST has made the taste buds of every Indian go numb. Why? Only one Indian knows and that is Gabbar. Samba does the maths, Gabbar does the announcement and Ramgarh (India) feels the tremors.

Today, the Government has become a kind of Gabbar Singh with a soul aim of extracting their pound of flesh from the common man. That is how it appears to me. Thanks to the dynamic prices of petrol and diesel, it is now better to walk to office. Life has become so uncertain that one is not sure whether one will be able to cross a foot over bridge alive or not. If a person drinks milk, will it be pure as milk is supposed to be or will it be adulterated, no one knows. One may be lynched for keeping a big moustache. People won’t know the difference if I drive zig-zag in broad daylight on an empty road and may get beaten up for drunk driving, whereas I may be just avoiding potholes.

Be that as it may, the optimism which the new government had brought is diminishing every day. They may claim work is being done full speed, fine. I only want to understand then why are the prices skyrocketing at break neck speed. I do want to thank the government for the 7th pay commission and bringing to life my dead mobile phone. Well yes the sms alert from the bank stating “peanuts” have been credited to my account gives me that sense of accomplishment that see I have been able to juice out the government, not realising that the government is “my baap”. They know how to squeeze the aam admi that leaves him wondering whether to buy food or whether to clothe himself. Seriously, the mango man doesn’t know whether he is coming or going.

Today, one doesn’t know whom to believe in, as someone wants me to invest in mutual funds telling you “sahi hai”. The insurance agent comes out with plans like jeevan dhara, jeevan suraksha, jeevan bima, blah-blah-blah. You keep putting money for twenty five years and at the end of it the value of money is lesser than what you invested. The only favour you may do to your family is to kick the bucket well before its maturity as they claim “jeevan ke baad bhi”.

Deepika and gang emphasise to paint your walls with such a paint which purifies the air. Hello madam, if I had so much of money I would buy an air purifier first. Sachin tells me to buy “live pure”, in fact he coaxes India by saying come on India, live pure. Brother with great difficulty Acqua-Guard lagaya hai, now you want me to change the damn system. Municipality mar gayi hai kya that they can’t provide me safe, clean and pure drinking water. Waise, I have a choice to go with Hema Mailini also. I love the way she models for Kent.

Today, I can just about afford a cutting chai because it is spared from GST. I wish to save money by cutting that small cup further into half. No one had designed such a small use and throw cup unless we start recycling coca cola caps for drinking tea due to affordability reasons. The pinch of prices is hurting each and everyone now. With every passing day the aam admi is finding simple necessities of life getting out of hand. Matter of factly the common man is being made to dance like “Basanti”. The government sits and watches the entertainment show and taxes him mentally, physically, emotionally and financially to the hilt. The janta is getting tired of dancing to such tunes, in fact diktats.

Some promised achhe din, some promised India shining, some promised whatever. The aam admi now is so scared of Gabbar that moment he opens his mouth people get goose bumps out of fear the next surprise he may spring. I will keep mum as I have no choice but to bear the inconvenience. Gabbar can modify his dialogue to “kitney taxes the”. Will he? I can only wonder!!!!!!!!

JAI HIND

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