Noel Ellis's Official Blog

I wield the pen to explore the vastness of the human mind

Category: SARI

NATAK NATAK EVERYWHERE

NATAK NATAK EVERYWHERE

 

India it seems is engrossed in the natak of Karnatak. Of course for the people of that state it matters as they choose their new mai-baaps. For me sitting in a remote and isolated place where if you run out of bread you run out of bread, it makes no difference.

Has any political party made any difference in my life? Yes, they only have strengthened my resolve to hate politics and politicians. Country may have progressed and that is evident as I am holding a cell phone. Roads and railway is improving but the people who govern this country are not. Scams and red tape have taken their toll. Now “modi-fication” is getting on my nerves.

The parliament must decide the following things. No cow will be killed, khatam baat. The only way a cow can die, if she dies in a road accident. In case she survives she will not be put to sleep but left to die on the road side. Then, the cow can die eating plastic. Of course it is ridiculous but we will not stop throwing plastic in the open, the poor mata will not stop munching on it. Change of taste after all. Further, the cow can die of old age. Yes, once she has lived her milk productivity age she will be left on the streets to fend for herself. In a few years time she will automatically die. A new brigade called the gau rakshak brigade will be used to replace the veterinary corps of the Indian Army.

The next item on the parliamentary agenda should be the dress to be worn by men and women. Sari and kurta pyjama is absolutely fine. The colour of the dress has to be “orange”. It is simple, sober, in fashion colour and I love it. Parachute cloth for the Army will be made of Khadi and dyed in vegetable green ink. Ladies can apply bindi only with pooja ashes. Vermillion may be adorned on ceremonial occasions only. In case you like to wear western dresses please go to the nearest country in the west.

Patanjali products will be consumed should be an act of the parliament. No bombastic names like Glaxo Smithkline or Procter and Gamble. Only desi items that are swad aur sehat se bharpoor, milawat se dur, will be allowed on our tables.

Once these guys have decided as to what we are going to eat. There would be no non-veg. All the bakra’s and the broilers will be left free. Hatya is out of question chahe vo gau ki ho ya bakariya ki. No egg trays for faujis even in lieu of meat. Fish too shall be banned as the smell of all machhi markets raises a stink. For Army jungle survival only patanjali noodles and vegetation can be eaten.

All gyms will have to be shut being a western concept. No pumping iron & no treadmills. Only yoga, on a handmade durrie extracted out of jute from farms made in small scale industries.

Then the parliamentarians should fix the petrol and diesel prices as anticipated in 2025. Why keep everyone in suspense. This will entail two things, the common man will not be able to run his bike and he will run or walk and stay fit. Free healthcare for all, isn’t it?

Jobs will not be an issue as we require thousands of masons and plumbers. After all we require 130 billion toilets and counting. Pakora makers would be India entrepreneurs’ and make case studies for Hayward business school like the dabbawalas.

Cooking gas is not an issue as pradhan mantri ujwala yojna has already burnt a hole in the gareeb ka pocket. They are using the gas cylinders to keep tokris of lassun because no one can afford a cylinder costing close to 900 bucks. They have got back to collecting firewood under sway-rozgar jungle kaato yojana. Mom is already used to smoke in her eyes since long and she finds food made on gas tasteless.

The parliament also needs to decide as to who will speak what, in what tone and tenor and who will publish what. Social media will only be used for forwarding godly and good morning messages. Chatting will be banned as the sarakri karamcharis now utilize offices to chat on their cell phones in air-conditioned environment. Earlier they used to do the same in parks after spreading the morning news papers after having read even the tender notices.

Only two channels will be allowed on air, LSTV and RSTV, rest all will be booked for sedition. No news debates, no barking & no shouting. Yes food channels if they are going to distribute food they make for the desh ke dalit-shoshit-vanchit-peerit would be made tax free channels.

All those who pay GST would be given a chance to visit a country of their choice except Bangkok, provided they convince twenty NRIs to vote for the PMs Party and send a few thousand dollars as chanda for party funds. All those who want to go to Italy will be given one way tickets.

Defence will be the only exception. All faujis will have to pay double the income tax in case they want free rations. If they want OROP then they will have to sacrifice the last basic pay drawn. ECHS will only be contributory, for health they will need to take health insurance from a private company and get treated in government hospitals only. Ex servicemen cannot write any columns or articles and all those who do it will be reinstated in service without salary in field till they attain nirvana.

Parliament also has to pledge that once elected they will only disrupt parliament. Bills passed would be at the peril of the common man. Ministers will move from ministry to ministry every session. This will ensure that all parliamentarians are fully trained to run any ministry irrespective whether the MP is capable to read or write or not. In case he has a criminal case he will be the law minister by default.

Be that as it may, I am looking forward to the next elections. Hope all this natak will be implemented when the new government is formed? Possible! I wonder!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JAI HIND

© Noel Ellis

THE SADMA OF SRI DEVI

Life has become so uncertain that will we meet the next moment seems unsure. A beautiful soul has gone. This I say in context of Ms Sri Devi, may her soul rest in peace. She really had come to “girao bijali” in her hey days and now has become “Hawa Hawai”. Sad indeed but that is destiny.

My generation grew up with a kind of crush on her. Though, I was never a very big movie fan however still we had moved on from Rekha’s generation to hers. She added a different flavour to various characters like the typical south Indian accent and the real Indianess to the roles she played. Sari never looked so ravishing ever. If I can say that the typical figure of an Indian woman was enhanced by her without an iota of vulgarity and crudeness.

In the last two days, media has gone hyper to cover her death. Where Nirav Modi and gang have evaporated? It appeared that media discovered a secret tunnel from her room in Dubai to India and channels had posted sentries all along the route, as if her soul will stop at each check point before her mortal remains are consigned to flames. Channels brought in doctors, cosmetic surgeons et al to find out the side effects of all drugs and surgeries. I was amazed to see bath tubs being put in front of the panellist who were calculating the displacement of water as per the Archimedes principle and various buoyancy theories. Well, I can only tell those channels that please drown in “Chullu bhar Pani”.

Stories of her liquor consumption and its effects on body temperature were hot news. All theories how heart fails were headlines. Reporters getting hold of the post mortem reports through their so called “sources”. Channels were trying to pick faults in those reports as if doctors in Dubai are clueless about procedures. Conjecture, speculation, guesses were the only things flying left right and centre. Reporters were even trying to speculate the embalming time as if it was a special final make up session for the actress. It appeared kind of a mockery being made of her death.

Think about the family, they too must be watching TV to get the latest updates. Discussing her personal life, her habits must be really heart breaking for them. I would appreciate if news channels run hit movies of hers during prime time as a tribute, for the next one year. Let me see how many channels dare do so. Across the spectrum of news channels there was nothing else being discussed.

I stand with the film fraternity as she was a respected senior member. The way news channels were trying to take reactions from co-stars through leading questions like, according to you could she have drowned in a bath tub? Obviously the person would say no. Could she have suffered a heart attack while sitting in a tub? Pathetic questions from sick news anchors. I switched off everything.

As responsible citizens I feel we should leave the technicalities to the technical people. Let us also not encroach on the personal space of a family which is in grief. By taking a byte of a co-actor she will never come back to life. I am sure as an adult and a mother of grown up children who are about to release their own movies what she did with her life was her own conscious decision. Why are we force feeding it to the world that what could have happened and what could have gone wrong?

The last thing I would tell the media to refrain from sensationalism. Terrorists are supposed to follow that line. India has its own issues, let’s high light those. Her extraordinary life was not like that of a common man. She lived a luxurious life and had enough money to afford it. We can’t even think of such a life style.

Well Ms Sri Devi, you definitely left a mark on many of us. I wish you peace for ever. I offer my condolences to the bereaved family, may you all find strength to bear the loss. I also convey my displeasure as a common man to the media that there is a limit to everything. The power of Google, power of the mobile and the power of your media platform is well understood but the art of framing stupid questions, the guile to conduct endless futile debates about a soul who ruled millions of hearts is not worth it. We definitely have forgotten how due respect needs to be given to any departed soul.

When will our Media Rest in Peace? I wonder!!!!!!!!!!!!

JAI HIND

© Noel Ellis

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